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Universities should allow equel opportunity to women ad men. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Universities should allow equel opportunity to women ad men. What extent o5W5B
Some people believe that universities should allocate equal opportunities for men and women. I agree to the above statement to a greater extent and reasons are mentioned below. To commence with, it's really helpful to unprivileged women to get an equal chance for education when colleges allowing equal number of seats for both genders in a subject. To explain it better, education is the right of every one, which is essential for the development of our society and unprivileged women to get an equal opportunity as men. For example, in afghanistan women's literacy was significantly lower than men's. Secondly, this reservation system helps to the women empowerment. To explain it, we are living in patriarchal society with a male dominance where women participation should be needed to empower themselves. Moreover, equal reservation helps to create an equality in both genders which leads to create good relationship between them. To make it more clear, this will help to avoid gender partiality and discriminations in our schools and society which creates unity among students. 30% of students in indian schools had faced gender discrimination according to the latest surveys and reports. However, one disagreement to this allocation system is that this will be barrier to talent based admission. To explain it, there will a possibility to loose seats for talented students in both genders due to minimal seats in a gender. To conclude, I agree to greater extent that universities should set equal number of seats for males and females, although there is possibility to loose the opportunities of talented students. However, it will helps to women empowerment and create equal opportunities for both genders, which leads to eliminate gender discriminations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that universities should allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the above statement to a greater extent and reasons
are mentioned
below.

To commence with, it's
really
helpful to unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
chance for education when colleges allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
for both genders in a subject. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it better, education is the right of every one, which is essential for the development of our society and unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
afghanistan
women's literacy was
significantly
lower than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's.
Secondly
, this reservation system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, we are living in patriarchal society with a male dominance where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
participation should
be needed
to empower themselves.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
reservation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
an equality in both genders which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship between them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to avoid gender partiality and discriminations in our schools and society which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
unity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
schools had faced gender discrimination according to the latest surveys and reports.
However
, one disagreement to this allocation system is that this will be barrier to talent based admission. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, there will a possibility to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
for talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in both genders due to minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
in a gender.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to greater extent that universities should set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
for males and females, although there is possibility to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
of talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for both genders, which leads to eliminate gender discriminations.
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IELTS essay Universities should allow equel opportunity to women ad men. What extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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