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'The UK's top police officer has blamed social media for normalising violence and leading more children to commit stabbings and murders? (Source: BBC) Does social media contribute to violent behaviour and should it be more strictly regulated?

'The UK's top police officer has blamed social media for normalising violence and leading more children to commit stabbings and murders? (Source: BBC) Does social media contribute to violent behaviour and should it be more strictly regulated? rbWDL
When we look at the present generation, the influence of social media and social interaction can never be overlooked. From children to adults, almost everyone spends a significant portion of their time using such applications and thus are highly influenced by it. However, what social media presents might not always be the best thing for us and the negativity in it may lead people down the wrong path Therefore. I do believe that social media contributes to violent behaviour and needs to be managed in a stricter way. Despite the numerous benefits and advantages of social media, there are still some negative aspects to it. One of the major problems is that it promotes violence and makes people more aggressive. We can see countless reports of cyber crime and other unlawful activities on social media. Experiences like these usually have detrimental effects on the users and give them the wrong idea. Thus, exposure to violence and crimes can never be a good thing and the content on these social media applications should be regulated more sternly. A study conducted by the Dhaka Metropolitan Police (DMP) showed that there was a 37% increase in crimes committed by teenagers after the growth of social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Seeing this, we should now pay more attention to the root problem of these crimes and monitor childrens' activities so that we can ensure a safer and peaceful community. Contrarily, many users argue that these applications are not what's causing these crimes. We see positive and negative things all around us, and in the end it is up to the individual to decide which path he/she wants to take. It would be rather illogical to blame social media for people's actions and better outcomes can be achieved if we dedicate our time and resources towards educating children on these issues and guide them properly. To conclude, even though most people should be able to choose for themselves and differentiate between right and wrong, it would be best if initiatives were taken to make social media a non-violent and conflict-free platform.
When we look at the present generation, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and social

interaction can never
be overlooked
. From children to adults, almost everyone

spends a significant portion of their time using such applications and
thus
are

highly
influenced by it.
However
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
presents might not always be

the best thing for us and the negativity in it may lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
down the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path

Therefore
. I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
contributes to violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and needs

to
be managed
in a stricter way.

Despite the numerous benefits and advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects to it. One of the major problems is that it promotes violence and

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more aggressive. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
countless reports of cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and

other unlawful activities on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Experiences like these
usually
have

detrimental effects on the users and give them the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Thus
, exposure to

violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can never be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing and the content on these social

media applications should
be regulated
more
sternly
.

A study conducted by the Dhaka Metropolitan Police (DMP)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there was

a 37% increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
after the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media

platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Seeing this, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now


pay more attention to the root problem of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and monitor
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
'

activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can ensure a safer and peaceful community.

Contrarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
users argue that these applications are not what's causing these

crimes. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things all around us, and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
it is up to

the individual to decide which path he/she wants to take. It would be
rather
illogical

to blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's actions and better outcomes can
be achieved
if

we dedicate our time and resources towards educating children on these issues

and guide them
properly
.

To conclude
,
even though
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be able to choose for themselves

and differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, it would
A determiner is probably missing here: "be the best".
be best
if initiatives
were taken


to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
a non-violent and conflict-free platform.
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IELTS essay 'The UK's top police officer has blamed social media for normalising violence and leading more children to commit stabbings and murders? (Source: BBC) Does social media contribute to violent behaviour and should it be more strictly regulated?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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