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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree?

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? 813B
Universities provide their students to the utmost competent education through spending their funds efficiently on necessary field in order to bringing out the best in their students. Whether allocating their money equally to library and sport activities facilities is a controversial issue. I strongly believe that sport activities should be considered as significant as libraries’ offerings. This essay sides with being fair to two separate facilities based on students’ mental and physical conditions. To begin with, even if libraries and books shed light on the human’s life path, and broaden their perspective, physical activities offers students real life experience in numerous ways. Sport events significantly enhance their developing skills, such as teamwork, handling pressure under tough situation. For example, they can meet different people, hence it provides them networking and social life. That being said, students’ curriculum necessitates various readings, assignments, thus relaxing and re-energizing have a tremendous role to get through when they feel overwhelmed. In this regard, their efficiency and productivity associates with physical events. Furthermore, being mental tranquility related to students’ health situation, which affect their concentration and performance. Even so easily conducting a research, comfily reading articles, receiving sufficient resources matters extremely in school, loads of these burdens on students’ shoulders give them a monumental headache. Hence, all requisites lead them to a sedentary lifestyle if they do not accelerate blood circulation by participating sport activities. Otherwise, this can bring about a bad posture, muscular pains, even diabetes. All in all, sporting events matters as important as libraries and universities should allocate equal funds to them due to the fact that displaying their student reality by advancing their social and developing skill, which leads to improve their efficiency. In addition, health body refers to healthy mind, thus physical activities contribute their success at classes considering reduction in health problems.
Universities provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to the utmost competent education through spending their funds
efficiently
on necessary field in order to
Did you mean "bring"?
bringing
out the best in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Whether allocating their money
equally
to library and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
facilities is a controversial issue. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be considered
as significant as libraries’ offerings. This essay sides with being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to two separate facilities based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, even if libraries and books shed light on the human’s life path, and broaden their perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
real life experience in numerous ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
significantly
enhance their developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as teamwork, handling pressure under tough situation.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
it provides them networking and social life. That
being said
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
curriculum necessitates various readings, assignments,
thus
relaxing and re-energizing have a tremendous role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through when they feel overwhelmed. In this regard, their efficiency and productivity associates with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Furthermore
, being mental tranquility related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health situation, which affect their concentration and performance. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
conducting a research,
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfily
reading articles, receiving sufficient resources matters
extremely
in school, loads of these burdens on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
shoulders give them a monumental headache.
Hence
, all requisites lead them to a sedentary lifestyle if they do not accelerate blood circulation by participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Otherwise
, this can bring about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
posture, muscular pains, even diabetes.

All in all, sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
matters as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as libraries and universities should allocate equal funds to them due to the fact that displaying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
reality by advancing their social and developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their efficiency.
In addition
, health body refers to healthy mind,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
contribute their success at classes considering reduction in health problems.

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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