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In some areas of US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

In some areas of US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? oWKq
Nowadays, strict rules have been implemented to make people more safety. In some places such as the US, a curfew is imposed and teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors by themselves. I truly believe that it will have a positive impact on society and for young people particularly and it will be discussed in this essay. First of all, the main reason for this crucial step is the betterment of young people's life. Numerous teenagers like to spend their spare time in bars or other social places with their friends over at midnight because in some places the strictness in the nighttime is less compare to the daytime. For example, in some areas in the US bars serve drinks only after 11 p. m. and plenty of teenagers are spending their money on it. So, these restrictions will only help young people before reckless steps and will make their parents less worried. Second of all, teenagers who like to spend their free time at bars may cause some danger on the roads as they are old enough for driving a car. They usually racing with their friends on the public roads and less experienced drivers may cause accidents with injuries or even kill other people. It is confirmed by a large number of mishaps every single year. To conclude, imposing curfew will positively affect young persons making their life more safety and better. The government should control that and punish if someone will break the law.
Nowadays, strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
have
been implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more safety. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places such as the US, a curfew
is imposed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be outdoors by themselves. I
truly
believe that it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
particularly
and it will
be discussed
in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason for this crucial step is the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
like to spend their spare time in bars or other social places with their friends over at midnight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places the strictness in the nighttime is less compare to the daytime.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas in the US bars serve drinks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after 11 p. m. and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are spending their money on it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these restrictions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reckless steps and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their parents less worried.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who like to spend their free time at bars may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
on the roads as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for driving a car. They
usually
racing with their friends on the public roads and less experienced drivers may cause accidents with injuries or even kill other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is confirmed
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
mishaps every single year.

To conclude
, imposing curfew will
positively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
persons making their life more safety and better. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control that and punish if someone will break the law.
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IELTS essay In some areas of US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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