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some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better at developing such skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better at developing such skills. lrDb
In the past children often used to stay outside the house all day and play their traditional games such as cricket and football, whereas today most children stay inside the house playing video games such as Fortnite and Call of Duty. I personally agree that traditional games can be much better at developing skills that could be beneficial in the future. First and foremost, Taking part in traditional games keeps you healthy and fit. This is due to the fact that playing games such as football tests your speed as well as strength. By playing such games, your body remains energized and fit. On the other hand, sitting on couch, playing video games has no physical advantage. It causes increase in obesity and many other health problems. One example can be taken from the fact by comparing Messi, a great footballer and Ninja, an absolute beast at gaming. By just looking at them, you can judge who is in better shape. It is Messi, because he is always working out and playing football. And there are many other examples that can be taken by comparing sportsmen and E-sportsmen. Furthermore, traditional games teach us love and peace. All the games played such as cricket support to have a peaceful match and environment. On the contrary games such as battlefield portray violence. This is not good for the mental health for the students because they are exposed to blood and gore at an early age. An example to this is a child who loves to watch and play cricket is a lively and peaceful person, whereas another child, who is addicted to video games, can be found to be dull and violent. A further example could be taken from cricketers and game streamers. When you watch cricket on Television, you find that the players are very calm and rarely rage. While when you watch streamers play video games, you might find that they rage and curse excessively. This is not only harmful for the watchers but it is bad for the mental health of the streamer. Moreover, playing traditional games after acquiring education relaxes one’s mind and body. This makes them ready and fresh to study again. However, playing video games puts strain on your eyes and hands as well as your brain. This puts burden on your mind. And it can affect one’s education. For example, Players who play sports such as tennis play the game to relax the body, after the activity, if he goes back to studying, he wil feel fresh and ready to work hard again. Contrarily, a person who plays video games all day will not be able to withstand the burden of studying and will feel like not doing it. So in conclusion, I believe that parents should force their children to not stay around the house all day and go play outside.
In the past children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stay outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
all day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
and football, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most children stay inside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Fortnite and Call of Duty. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be much better at developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that could be beneficial in the future.

First
and foremost, Taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you healthy and fit.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
your speed
as well
as strength. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, your body remains energized and fit.
On the other hand
, sitting on couch,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has no physical advantage. It causes increase in obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other health problems. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
can
be taken
from the fact by comparing Messi, a great footballer and Ninja, an absolute beast at gaming. By
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking at them, you can judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is in better shape. It is Messi,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is always working out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
football. And there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
that can
be taken
by comparing sportsmen and E-sportsmen.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
teach us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and peace. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
played such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
support to have a peaceful match and environment.
On the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as battlefield portray violence. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the mental health for the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are exposed
to blood and gore at an early age. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
to this is a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
is a lively and peaceful person, whereas another child,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, can
be found
to be dull and violent. A
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
could
be taken
from cricketers and game streamers. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
on Television, you find that the players are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
calm and rarely rage. While when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
streamers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, you might find that they rage and curse
excessively
. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmful for the watchers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the mental health of the streamer.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
after acquiring education relaxes one’s mind and body. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them ready and fresh to study again.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
puts strain on your eyes and hands
as well
as your brain. This puts burden on your mind. And it can affect one’s education. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
sports such as tennis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the game to relax the body, after the activity, if he goes back to studying, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
feel fresh and ready to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
again.
Contrarily
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all day will not be able to withstand the burden of studying and will feel like not doing it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in conclusion
, I believe that parents should force their children to not stay around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
all day and go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside.
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IELTS essay some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better at developing such skills.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
477 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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