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Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
A University is a place where one goes seeking a higher level of education, in order to obtain wide range of knowledge. Therefore, it is my belief that such an opportunity to expand one’s mind should be open for both genders. Firstly, women have proven in the past that they can do any sort of job as well as men. So, I see no reason to obstruct their entry to an institution that will help them achieve their pretended job in the future. Also, since men represent most of the work force, it also makes no sense to deny them a college entry. For example, women are usually better overall students, especially in subjects that require a lot of writing and reading. On the opposite side, men tend to excel in fields related to physics or mathematics. In addition, future generations should end job stereotypes. Which is why, in my opinion, there is no reason that in a modern world like the one we live in today, people should not just seek to do what makes them happy. For instance, a lot of women choose becoming on a nurse, and in most Universities, there are four times more female nursing students than male ones. I think, the reason there are not more male nurses is because, some still feel that nursing is still a more suitable job for woman, and a man should try to become a doctor. To conclude, there is no reason, in my point of view, for Universities to deny an entry based simply on a person’s gender. Because, not only it seems like discrimination, they could possibly be denying the entry to a future great professional in that particular field. Hence, the entry requirements should only be based on a student’s intelligence, grades, and overall capability, and not its gender.
A University is a place where one goes seeking a higher level of education, in order to obtain wide range of knowledge.
Therefore
, it is my belief that such an opportunity to expand one’s mind should be open for both genders.

Firstly
, women have proven in the past that they can do any sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to obstruct their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to an institution that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve their pretended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.
Also
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
represent most of the work force, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
no sense to deny them a college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
.
For example
, women are
usually
better
overall
students,
especially
in subjects that require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
writing and reading. On the opposite side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
tend to excel in fields related to physics or mathematics.

In addition
, future generations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stereotypes. Which is why, in my opinion, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that in a modern world like the one we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seek to do what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
women choose becoming on a nurse, and in most Universities, there are four times more female nursing students than male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
there are not more male nurses is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that nursing is
still
a more suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for woman, and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
should try to become a doctor.

To conclude
, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, in my point of view, for Universities to deny an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
based
simply
on a person’s gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it seems like discrimination, they could
possibly
The verb 'denying' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be denying
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to a future great professional in that particular field.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
requirements should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be based
on a student’s intelligence, grades, and
overall
capability, and not its gender.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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