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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 6
The society and educational system have changed significantly from the old era when it was almost impossible for a girl to study in an academy while only boys were allowed to do so. Now a girl can enrol in a university at her wish and merit. In many universities, female students exceed the male students in many subjects. I oppose the idea of granting the same number of male and female students in every subject offered in a university bypassing the merit list. First of all, a university aims to educate people and prepare them for the future and those students would lead the country in the future. If the admission process prioritises sentiments and tries to accept the same number of students from both genders in each subject, it would not be a good idea for the country. Rather, they should focus on talent and there is no harm if more female students can get admitted to the university based on talent. Second, the important qualifications are the academic performance and merit. Here gender issue should not be considered. The equal number of male and female students in every subject is a whimsical idea that would deprive many talented male students. Third, since there is no restriction on the number of female students allowed for a subject, they can naturally compete in a fair fight and show their competence rather than being pitied by a policy. Again, not all male and female are equally interested in studying in every subject, they have their own choices. Implementing the equal number of male and female students in each subject would take away the freedom from students to study on their favourite subject. In conclusion, the idea of admitting the same number of male and female students in university level in each subject is not a good idea and the admission should strictly base on choice and merit rather than emotion.
The society and educational system have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
era when it was almost impossible for a girl to study in an academy while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boys were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a girl can enrol in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
at her wish and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
exceed the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I oppose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of granting the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
offered in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
bypassing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
list.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
aims to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and prepare them for the future and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would lead the country in the future. If the admission process
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritises' is British English.
prioritises
sentiments and tries to accept the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both genders in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, it would not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
for the country.
Rather
, they should focus on talent and there is no harm if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
based on talent.

Second, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
qualifications are the academic performance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
. Here gender issue should not
be considered
. The equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is a whimsical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that would deprive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Third, since there is no restriction on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they can
naturally
compete in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
fight and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their competence
rather
than
being pitied
by a policy. Again, not all male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
are
equally
interested in studying in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices. Implementing the equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
would take away the freedom from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
subject.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of admitting the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
and the admission should
strictly
base on choice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
rather
than emotion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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