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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v.29

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 29
Some people argue that subjects offered by the universities should be filled by equal numbers of male and female students. However, since it is already 21st century and gender seems to  be not a big deal anymore, thus, in my opinion it is no longer about accepting an equal number of men and women in every subject but it is more about giving an equal opportunity for both male and female students to choose what they want to study. To begin with, everyone has the right to the education and in fact attending a university needs much more consideration to take. All students, including male and female, who want to go to a university tend to put a lot of effort preparing their entrance. Since no one can choose what sex they were born to be, then it will be really unfair if the universities consider gender as the criteria in accepting students. Besides, nowadays men and women can take any job, learn any skill and study any major that they want to. For instance, engineering sectors now welcome both men and women students. Another example is fashion industry which is though apparently more dominated by male designers, women can easily pick a career in this sector as well. As a result, there is no limit for particular sex to take over one particular field and university should take a look at it as a reason to open more chances for both genders. Therefore, in conclusion, male and female need to be more encouraged to study based on their interest and capability rather than a stigma of which one is the best for them according to their gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that subjects offered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
be filled
by equal numbers of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, since it is already 21st century and gender seems to
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
be not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal anymore,
thus
, in my opinion it is no longer about accepting an equal number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in every subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is more about giving an equal opportunity for both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose what they want to study.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everyone has the right to the education and in fact attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
needs much more consideration to take. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, including male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, who want to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tend to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort preparing their entrance. Since no one can choose what sex they
were born
to be, then it will be
really
unfair if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
consider gender as the criteria in accepting students.

Besides
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can take any job, learn any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and study any major that they want to.
For instance
, engineering sectors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
welcome both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Another example is fashion industry which is though
apparently
more dominated by male designers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
easily
pick a career in this sector
as well
.
As a result
, there is no limit for particular sex to take over one particular field and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should take a look at it as a reason to open more chances for both genders.

Therefore
,
in conclusion
, male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
need to be more encouraged to study based on their interest and capability
rather
than a stigma of which one is the best for them according to their gender.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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