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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.19

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 19
Some people think that university subjects should have the same amount of women and men. With this idea probably the world could be more equal, due to both genders would have the same opportunities to obtain knowledge. However, in my view, this though is utopic for the reason that male and female have different abilities, which should have used according what is easier for them. If colleges force to incorporate more women in careers related to math or science, the world likely would change, because the “weaker sex” would have more chance to show their abilities in those fields. This has as a consequence a fair planet, for the reason that feminine sex had not had an equal participation through of years. Hence, this would be a great opportunity for giving back all lost years, therefore, is a way to do justice. However, many studies show that the abilities between a man and a woman are different. With this I don’t want to say that one gender is better than another, only I’m expressing that their skills have been given according to their role in the survive. For example, women are better in empathy and comprehension, so they would be higher in professions in the health area. On the other hand, men are more calculated and good with numbers, then they could work better in careers such as engineers and maths. In conclusion, I understand that the world wants to be more equal for female, so for this cause some persons want to in every area is divided between a woman and a man. However in my opinion this idea is quite utopic, for the fact that both sexes have different skills, which is demonstrated with many scientific studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that university subjects should have the same amount of women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. With this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
probably
the world could be more equal, due to both genders would have the same opportunities to obtain knowledge.
However
, in my view, this though is
Possible spelling mistake found.
utopic
for the reason that male and female have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
abilities, which should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
according what is easier for them.

If colleges force
Did you mean "incorporating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to incorporate
more women in careers related to math or science, the world likely would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the “
This expression can be considered offensive.
weaker sex
” would have more chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their abilities in those fields. This has as a consequence a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
planet, for the reason that feminine sex had not had an equal participation through of years.
Hence
, this would be a great opportunity for giving back all lost years,
therefore
, is a way to do justice.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the abilities between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and a woman are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. With this I don’t want to say that one gender is better than another,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I’m expressing that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
according to their role in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'survive' is correct. If 'survive' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the survive
.
For example
, women are better in empathy and comprehension,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would be higher in professions in the health area.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more calculated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with numbers, then they could work better in careers such as engineers and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
.

In conclusion
, I understand that the world wants to be more equal for female,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for this cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons want to in every area
is divided
between a woman and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in my opinion this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is quite
Possible spelling mistake found.
utopic
, for the fact that both sexes have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which
is demonstrated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientific studies.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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