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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
There is an old saying - 'Give me an educated mother and I will give you an educated nation'. This prover emphasises the women education. Throughout the history men and women both worked together to build a better world and whatever stage the current world is in, that has been contributed both by male and female - surely not by one gender. As university education is so important for the full bloom of one person's merit, skill and knowledge, equal opportunity for both male and female students should be ensured. To begin with, if only men go ahead in education, research, arts, history and women stay home, then no good can be done. The history suggests that men are dominant in numbers in science, arts, engineering, creativity and business sectors. But we cannot deny the contribution of Mother Teresa and Madam Merry Currie who have devoted their whole life to the betterment of the world. It is true that if the competition is arranged regardless of gender, more male students will be ahead of women. But still, universities should accept an equal number of students. If fewer females hold the important sectors of a country, naturally women will feel deprived and this will lead them to compete with men. It is a mother who is much more emotionally attached to their children and friendlier to children than fathers. So they help the children in their study. So the importance of female education in the higher level should get a priority considering this single issue. In conclusion, universities should accept the same number of students from both sexes and give an equal opportunity at every level.
There is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
'Give me an educated mother and I will give you an educated nation'. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
prover
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "emphases", the plural form of the noun 'emphasis'?
emphasises
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Throughout the history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
both worked together to build a better world and whatever stage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world is in, that has
been contributed
both by male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
surely
not by one gender. As university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the full bloom of one person's merit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge, equal opportunity for both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be ensured
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
go ahead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, research, arts, history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
stay home, then no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
can
be done
. The history suggests that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are dominant in numbers in science, arts, engineering, creativity and business sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we cannot deny the contribution of Mother Teresa and Madam Merry
Possible spelling mistake found.
Currie
who have devoted their whole life to the betterment of the world. It is true that if the competition
is arranged
regardless of gender, more male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
, universities should accept an equal number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. If fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
hold the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors of a country,
naturally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will feel deprived and this will lead them to compete with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

It is a mother who is much more
emotionally
attached to their children and friendlier to children than fathers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children in their study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the higher level should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a priority considering this single issue.

In conclusion
, universities should accept the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both sexes and give an equal opportunity at every level.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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