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Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 2
Nowadays, female has got plenty of opportunities to work or study thanks to the feminist government. They account for more than half of students in the college, universities; therefore; some people suggest balancing the number of students by gender. I am, however, strongly against this proposal. Having the same number of men and women on all degree courses is simply unrealistic. Universities would restrict the student's ability of studying. Each student posses a talent to a specific subject. Take manual jobs as an example, male students show more abilities in mathematics or physics than the female, whereas verbal skills such as language, literature or English may be kept upper hands by girls. Colleges are forcing them to work against their natural inclination and habit. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I also believe that universities should remark that certain jobs are gender- specific. Each student embarks on their own career as follow the majors chosen. They may not live up to the boss's expectation owing go the unwanted-job. Additionally, it would be unfair to base administration of university courses on gender. The principal ought to select the candidates according to their qualifications. For instance, a female student with excellent score must be accepted rather than a male student with lower grades or fewer qualifications. From what has been discussed above, I may draw the conclusion that the selection of university students should be based on merit. Having natural gift, students shall be given the right to elect for their own occupation rather than be subjected to certain arbitrary quotas stipulating the number of students for each sex.
Nowadays, female has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to work or study thanks to the feminist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They account for more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the college,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
;
therefore
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest balancing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by gender. I am,
however
,
strongly
against this proposal.

Having the same number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women on all degree courses is
simply
unrealistic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
would restrict the student's ability of studying. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
posses a talent to a specific subject. Take manual jobs as an example, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more abilities in mathematics or physics than the female, whereas verbal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as language, literature or English may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
upper hands by girls. Colleges are forcing them to work against their natural inclination and habit.

Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should remark that certain jobs are gender- specific. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
embarks on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
the majors chosen. They may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to the boss's expectation owing go the unwanted-job.
Additionally
, it would be unfair to base administration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses on gender. The principal ought to select the candidates according to their qualifications.
For instance
, a female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with excellent score
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
rather
than a male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with lower grades or fewer qualifications.

From what has
been discussed
above, I may draw the conclusion that the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be based
on merit. Having natural gift,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
shall be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the right to elect for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
occupation
rather
than
be subjected
to certain arbitrary quotas stipulating the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for each sex.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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