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UNFORGETTABLE EVENT IN YOUR LIFE

UNFORGETTABLE EVENT IN YOUR LIFE RVpYk
I used to have a bad habit of doing things thoughtlessly and absent-mindedly, without considering the consequences, and I would never have thought that habit would lead to me to an unforgettable event in my life. It was about 6-7 years ago, on an evening, me, my brother and my mom was downstairs, watching news on TV, while my dad was upstairs watching sport. I was feeling quite bored so I decided to come upstairs to play. I usually loved to play to the balcony for about a minutes or more in the evening, and come downstairs afterwards. Unfortunately, I forgot to close the balcony, and my dad who was too focus on watching TV, didn’t even noticed that the balcony door was wide opened at that moment. A while later, when I was downstairs with my mom and brother, I heard loud screaming coming from upstairs, and my dad continuously calling my mom, told her to bring him a knife hurriedly. We were all freaked out, and soon came to conclusion that there was someone broke into our house. My brother rushed into the kitchen to get the knife, while my mother burst out of the house holding me, and called for help in a panic. She sent me to a neighbor’s house and came back to my house with some men in my neighborhood to backup. I couldn’t have imagined that everything tend to be happened so fast. Chills were running through my spine, tones of cold sweat pouring out of my body, my hopelessness increased as I looked at my house which is full of screaming at that moment. I was intensely praying, hoping that nothing will happen to my family. Suddenly, there was loud crashing noise and the screaming was getting louder at my house. I was trembling, And my legs felt so heavy that I could barely walk, I almost collapsed at that moment. Fortunately, the police arrived after fifteen minutes, and captured the man. Luckily, he was drunk, and had no bad intention, but he had some sense of violent outbursts. It was lucky no one in my family was injured badly. I exhaled with relief, and hurriedly rushed to my family, I almost cried my eyes out at that moment. Sense of relief running through my mind, I was thankful that nothing bad was to happen to my family. Up until now, whenever I recalled that incident, I would always had goosebumps. If the man who broke into my house was armed, or had any bad intentions, something worse could have happened to my family. Therefore, I always told myself, to break all my bad habits, and to always consider about all my action.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habit of doing things
thoughtlessly
and absent-
mindedly
, without considering the consequences, and I would never have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that habit would lead to me to an unforgettable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in my life. It was about 6-7 years ago, on an evening, me, my brother and my mom was downstairs, watching news on TV, while my dad was upstairs watching sport. I was feeling quite bored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
upstairs to play. I
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to play to the balcony for about
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a minute" or simply "minutes"?
a minutes
or more in the evening, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
downstairs afterwards. Unfortunately, I forgot to close the balcony, and my dad who was
Did you mean "to focus"?
too focus
on watching TV, didn’t even
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "notice"
noticed
that the balcony door was wide opened at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
. A while later, when I was downstairs with my mom and brother, I heard loud screaming coming from upstairs, and my dad
continuously
calling my mom,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her to bring him a knife
hurriedly
. We were all freaked out, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
came to conclusion that there was someone broke into our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. My brother rushed into the kitchen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knife, while my mother burst out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
holding me, and called for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in a panic. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
me to a neighbor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and came back to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in my neighborhood
Did you mean "to back up"?
to backup
. I couldn’t have imagined that everything tend to
be happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. Chills were running through my spine, tones of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
sweat pouring out of my body, my hopelessness increased as I looked at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
which is full of screaming at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
. I was
intensely
praying, hoping that nothing will happen to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Suddenly
, there was loud crashing noise and the screaming was getting louder at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. I was trembling, And my legs felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
heavy that I could
barely
walk, I almost collapsed at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
.
Fortunately
, the police arrived after fifteen minutes, and captured the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Luckily, he
was drunk
, and had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
intention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sense of violent outbursts. It was lucky no one in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
was injured
badly
. I exhaled with relief, and
hurriedly
rushed to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I almost cried my eyes out at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
. Sense of relief running through my mind, I was thankful that nothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
was to happen to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Up until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, whenever I recalled that incident, I would always
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
had
goosebumps. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who broke into my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was armed
, or had any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
intentions, something worse could have happened to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
myself, to break all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits, and to always
Did you mean simply "consider all"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about all
my action.
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IELTS essay UNFORGETTABLE EVENT IN YOUR LIFE

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
451 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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