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Some people say that music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science. 9l1Vj
It is true that many people say that music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science. In my opinion I disagree with this statement. One of the most important reason why music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children is that children should focus on standard subject in order to be strengthen basic skills first because they are still young, so they can decide what they are interesting. For example. 70% of children who learn basic skills like writing, reading and spelling tend to understand easier when they study in other language. Having said that curriculum subjects play major role in strengthen basic skills. Another reasons to support this is the fact that other subjects like computer or science are more important because if these subjects not be taught, children will not understand how to use computer. For instance, children in Japan which are study science. They are usually create their toys in order to develop their brain. As a result these subjects will help children in their lifes. In conclusion, it is undeniable that music should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science because of children need to focus on basic skills and other subject are most important.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that music has no practical value and should not
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Instead
, they should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time on useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. In my opinion I disagree with this statement.

One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why music has no practical value and should not
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in order to be
Consider using a past participle here: "strengthened".
strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
still
young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can decide what they are interesting.
For example
. 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like writing, reading and spelling tend to understand easier when they study in other language.

Having said that curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play major role in strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Another reasons to support this is the fact that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like computer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
not
be taught
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not understand how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Japan which are study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. They are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
their toys in order to develop their brain.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
.
In conclusion
, it is undeniable that music should not
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Instead
, they should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time on useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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