Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment ? What other challenges face young people today.

According to some people today’s one the pressing challenges is that school-leavers are neglected to be employed in most countries. However, I completely disagree with this assertion because of countries’ economy and pupil’s intention. Firstly, unemployment hardly depends on people but rather the country is responsible for it. In other words, the country is supposed to employ the people regarding to their ability and knowledge. A good example to illustrate this is that all developing countries provide their population with jobs on the grounds that a myriad of factories and companies had been constructed. Here it should be noted that if other countries had paid attention to constructing factories and companies with the help of investors, joblessness would not have peaked and their population would have been on the go. Thus, the joblessness of school-leavers is never up to themselves but rather to the country. Secondly, The subject of joblessness appears to be one of the most challenging problems for school-leavers, either in developed or developing countries. To be more precise in former countries, as the majority of individuals have pursued their academic achievements in prestigious universities, the job market is highly competitive. Therefore finding a well-paid career for one who does not have primary requirement seems to be arduous. Moreover, for the community members in the latter nations, because of economic instability and numerous problems like lack of manufacturers and the private sector, job positions are rare. Hence, young people without school certifications will deal with the unemployment issue. In conclusion, although finding a suitable occupation tends to be an expansive problem for young people of most countries in all continents, it does not stem from leaving school earlier but instead from countries inner economy, and that is reason of why I completely disagree with it.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s one the pressing challenges is that school-leavers
are neglected
to
be employed
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I completely disagree with this assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
economy and pupil’s intention.

Firstly
, unemployment hardly depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is responsible for it.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is supposed
to employ the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The phrase ‘regarding to’ is not correct. Use “regarding” or “regard to”.
regarding to
their ability and knowledge. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to illustrate this is that all developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide their population with jobs on the grounds that a myriad of factories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
had
been constructed
. Here it should
be noted
that if other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had paid attention to constructing factories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of investors, joblessness would not have peaked and their population would have been on the go.
Thus
, the joblessness of school-leavers is never up to themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
to the country.

Secondly
, The subject of joblessness appears to be one of the most challenging problems for school-leavers, either in developed or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To be more precise in former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as the majority of individuals have pursued their academic achievements in prestigious universities, the job market is
highly
competitive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
finding a well-paid career for one who does not have primary requirement seems to be arduous.
Moreover
, for the community members in the latter nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of economic instability and numerous problems like lack of manufacturers and the private sector, job positions are rare.
Hence
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without school certifications will deal with the unemployment issue.

In conclusion
, although finding a suitable occupation tends to be an expansive problem for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in all continents, it does not stem from leaving school earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
inner economy, and
that is
reason of why I completely disagree with it.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts