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Nowadays, entertainers get paid more than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive development? v.1

These days, famous star receive much more finances compare to the public servants. However I strongly believed that the improvement of attention among celebrities and politicians has disadvantages on the country growth. Firstly, the different from the income make a huge impact on people's job chosen. As the development of technology day by day, human mind can easily be attract by everything. They tend to follow the trend which is popular among the society. Therefore, due to the low rate of money, people want to be famous to get rich. For example, now, youtuber is a famous and glorious jobs, men and women from all ages racing to make a youtube channel. As a result, the amount of public servants is reducing gradually and chances people being unemployed are at the high rate. Furthermore, the minor rate of incomes can lead to many social issues. In particular, the politicians have high expect to afford things. This desire make public servants to receive bribery and corruption, which is banned in government. They use their power, their influence to achieved the things they can not publicly have. These lead to the decrease in trustful and loyalty between the citizens and the governor. After all, the country will have difficulty in improving it's aspect. In conclusion, I think the situation that celebrities finances are higher than politicians has many opposite influence to the people in particularly and to the country speaking generally.
These days,
famous
star receive much more finances compare to the public servants.
However
I
strongly
believed that the improvement of attention among celebrities and politicians has disadvantages on the country growth.

Firstly
, the
different
from the income
make
a huge impact on
people
's job chosen. As the development of technology day by day, human mind can
easily
be
attract
by everything. They tend to follow the trend which is popular among the society.
Therefore
, due to the low rate of money,
people
want to be
famous
to
get
rich.
For example
,
now
,
youtuber
is a
famous
and glorious jobs,
men
and women from all ages racing to
make
a
youtube
channel.
As a result
, the amount of public servants is reducing
gradually
and chances
people
being unemployed
are at the high rate.

Furthermore
, the minor rate of incomes can lead to
many
social issues.
In particular
, the politicians have high
expect
to afford things. This desire
make
public servants to receive bribery and corruption, which
is banned
in
government
. They
use
their power, their influence to
achieved
the things they can not
publicly
have. These lead to the decrease in trustful and loyalty between the citizens and the governor.
After all
, the country will have difficulty in improving
it's
aspect.

In conclusion
, I
think
the situation that celebrities finances are higher than politicians has
many
opposite influence to the
people
in
particularly
and to the country speaking
generally
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, entertainers get paid more than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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