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unemployment of university graduates

unemployment of university graduates 7r5Xn
The unemployment rate is significantly high for university graduates who seek a job in their relevant field. In my opinion, an increase in the inflation rate may lead to this situation, and to tackle this issue, the governments should take more responsibility to lower their inflation rate. First of all, devaluation of a country's currency, also known as inflation, often causes a decline in employment rate and possible job offerings, especially for those jobs that require more skilled tasks. That is because the companies that hire highly-educated university graduates may not keep up with the rising costs due to inflation and shut down some of their branches. In severe circumstances, such as an economic crisis, they may shut down all of their businesses. Consequently, there would be less need for highly skilled individuals. Having a lower inflation rate is a sign of the well-being of a country's economic system, and if the system doesn't function how it is supposed to be, it is inevitable to see its detrimental effects on all segments of the society, including university graduates. However, though, making sure that the economic growth is at an optimal level is not an easy task, owing to the fact that economics is a complex subject and affected by a plethora of factors. On the other hand, however, there is always something that can be done. For example, opening new facilities across the country and, therefore, providing the citizens more business opportunities. That would be a profound method to lower the unemployment rate and, consequently, should be the first thing to be done by the government. In conclusion, I think governments should prioritize economic growth by supporting new businesses and helping the enhancement of new facilities, accordingly, the unemployment rate of university graduates would be considerably decreased.
The unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is
significantly
high for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
who seek a job in their relevant field. In my opinion, an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inflation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
may lead to this situation, and to tackle this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take more responsibility to lower their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inflation
rate.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, devaluation of a country's currency,
also
known as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inflation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causes a decline in employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and possible job offerings,
especially
for those jobs that require more skilled tasks.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that hire
highly
-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the rising costs due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inflation
and shut down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their branches. In severe circumstances, such as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis, they may shut down all of their businesses.
Consequently
, there would be less need for
highly
skilled individuals.

Having a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inflation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of the well-being of a country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
system, and if the system doesn't function how it
is supposed
to be, it is inevitable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
its detrimental effects on all segments of the society, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
However
, though, making sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is at an optimal level is not an easy task, owing to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economics
is a complex subject and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a plethora of factors.
On the other hand
,
however
, there is always something that can
be done
.
For example
, opening new facilities across the country and,
therefore
, providing the citizens more business opportunities. That would be a profound method to lower the unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and,
consequently
, should be the
first
thing to
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth by supporting new businesses and helping the enhancement of new facilities,
accordingly
, the unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
would be
considerably
decreased.
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IELTS essay unemployment of university graduates

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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