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travel and work between high school and university time period

travel and work between high school and university time period 9QrJ0
Nowadays, among the end of high school and starting university time period gap most countries recommend to their pupils for use to tours or jobs. However, there are both pros and cons to this point. In this essay, I discuss the advantages of better subject selection and independent confidence. On other hand, I talk about the disadvantages of addiction and there is some risk they do not come back for study. Let's begin by looking at the benefits. One of the main positives they can develop their self-determination. When they travel possible to increase self-confidence as well as assist to improve their inter-personality skills. Some students can not do travelling because of they have not money to spend. In this situation, they can choose a job. It helps to them grow up own knowledge and earn some income. In other words, those people can gain experience about society. Another main benefit is its support to them select to better subjects in university education. When they doing the job they can understand what kind of career match for them and also they can find out their talent. It definitely supports to uni study. Working with different age groups and industry students can get to experience about which industries have a demand in the job market and which are low spaces. Turning to the other side of the argument, Addiction is a major problem. Many people who come to the society they are new to deal with a different community. They have not idea what kind of people living in their circle. All of them immature. So, easy to impact bad habits for them. The second drawback is they give up university study. During this time period, they expose varieties of culture and fashion so on. They build up bond with a new circle. They lose quality of student life and discipline. Its barrier to recovering again as a student. In other words, they focus career and earn some money within one year. After that go to back again like pupil it may be uncomfortable for these youngsters. All thing considered, young students travel and work between this time period they can gain benifits for their future education and their are we can discover some drawbacks help to stop their university learning.
Nowadays, among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of high school and starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
time period gap most countries recommend to their pupils for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to tours or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, there are both pros and cons to this point. In this essay, I discuss the advantages of better subject selection and independent confidence. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I talk about the disadvantages of addiction and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back for study.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the benefits. One of the main positives they can develop their self-determination. When they travel possible to increase self-confidence
as well
as assist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their inter-personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can not
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go travelling".
do travelling
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
have not money to spend. In this situation, they can choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to them grow up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
income. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can gain experience about society. Another main benefit is its support to them select to better subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education. When
Did you mean "they're doing", "they are doing", or "they were doing"?
they doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they can understand what kind of career match for them and
also
they can find out their talent. It definitely supports to uni study. Working with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups and industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to experience about which industries have a demand in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and which are low spaces.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the argument, Addiction is a major problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the society they are new to deal with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
community. They have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in their circle. All of them immature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, easy to impact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits for them. The second drawback is they give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
study. During this time period, they expose varieties of culture and fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They build up bond with a new circle. They lose quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life and discipline. Its barrier to recovering again as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they focus career and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money within one year. After that
There isn't usually a preposition before "back". Did you mean "go back"?
go to back
again like pupil it may be uncomfortable for these youngsters.

All thing considered, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
travel and work between this time period they can gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
for their future education and
Did you mean "there"?
their
are we can discover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
learning.
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IELTS essay travel and work between high school and university time period

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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