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Unemployed people and military

Unemployed people and military oPMq
Unemployed people are a huge problem for the global economy. Sadly, the biggest part of them is people who are youth. But the military is always searching for new staff members. People could say that there aren’t enough jobs for people. Other people could say that there aren’t enough people with skills for work. Here I will analyze the effect of both of them. It is the high number of unemployed young people. This raises the question if they have the right skills and if our education system educates them right. In modern days you need a lot of different skills to be successful. Most important from them is the skill to be adaptive to possible changes. On other hand, the military is searching for new people to work for them. Almost every country in the world has militaries. We live in peaceful times but you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. The military will give you stable work, a paycheck every month, and military training. The big minus for this job is high suicides after ending work this job if you have been to war for example in the Middle East. In conclusion, every person in the world needs money and a job to buy things like food and to live. My opinion is that military service is necessary and beneficial if you want to work something like that but there are always other jobs. You must be motivated and work on yourself every day.
Unemployed
people
are a huge problem for the global economy.
Sadly
, the biggest part of them is
people
who are youth.
But
the military is always searching for new staff members.

People
could say that there aren’t
enough
jobs
for
people
. Other
people
could say that there aren’t
enough
people
with
skills
for
work
. Here I will analyze the effect of both of them. It is the high number of unemployed young
people
. This raises the question if they have the right
skills
and if our education system educates them right. In modern days you need
a lot of
different
skills
to be successful. Most
important
from them is the
skill
to be adaptive to possible
changes
.

On other hand, the military is searching for new
people
to
work
for them. Almost every country in the world has militaries. We
live
in peaceful times
but
you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. The military will give you stable
work
, a paycheck every month, and military training. The
big
minus for this
job
is high suicides after ending
work
this
job
if you have been to war
for example
in the Middle East.

In conclusion
, every person in the world needs money and a
job
to
buy
things like food and to
live
. My opinion is that military service is necessary and beneficial if you want to
work
something like that
but
there are always other
jobs
. You
must
be motivated
and
work
on yourself every day.
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IELTS essay Unemployed people and military

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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