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ty is striking the global population, it is more and more common to see children with diabetes or obesity, e

ty is striking the global population, it is more and more common to see children with diabetes or obesity, e G9mKQ
Diabetes and obesity is striking the global population, it is more and more common to see children with diabetes or obesity, even more frequent with adults and elder people, some people claim that in order to stop this pandemic situation we should have our government taking control of junk food and soft sodas, but we have to ask ourselves, is that the real solution? in the following paragraphs I will try to explain why that is not anything but trying to cover the sun with one's hand. In my personal experience, when you try to stop a kid from doing something by just prohibition, you will get nothing but a child doing the exact samee thing but hidden, which is completely different to when you explain why something is not okay and try to educate your kid. As a country is conformed by thousands and thousands of people at different stages in life, it will be more appropriate to explain in a simple but succinct way. Of course people are taught that there is some food that cannot do any good to our health or body, but still, the countries with the greater amount of obesity or diabetes are the ones with lower scholar rate or poverty. In conclusion, I think that we are barking up to the wrong tree, we should aim to have more education, not only health education, but general education. Another thing is to have an improvement in the financial area, so that people could buy better quality food, and last but not least, having the government to control companies to avoid Michoacan’s situation.
Diabetes and obesity is striking the global population, it is more and more common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
children with diabetes or obesity, even more frequent with adults and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this pandemic situation we should have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
taking control of junk food and soft sodas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask ourselves, is that the real solution?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the following paragraphs I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
that is
not anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
trying to cover the sun with one's hand.

In my personal experience, when you try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
a kid from doing something by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
prohibition, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a child doing the exact
Possible spelling mistake found.
samee
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hidden, which is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why something is not okay and try to educate your kid. As a country
is conformed
by thousands and thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages in life, it will be more appropriate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in a simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
succinct way.
Of course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taught
that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food that cannot do any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to our health or body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, the countries with the greater amount of obesity or diabetes are the ones with lower scholar rate or poverty.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are barking up to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
tree, we should aim to have more education, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
health education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
general education. Another thing is to have an improvement in the financial area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
better quality food, and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, having the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to avoid
Possible spelling mistake found.
Michoacan
’s situation.
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IELTS essay ty is striking the global population, it is more and more common to see children with diabetes or obesity, e

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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