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two benefits of travelling

two benefits of travelling NVm22
Firstly, from traveling, people can be more open-minded by accessing progressive things. In other words, traveling to a place, which is modern and different from their civilizations and lifestyles, can have a significant influence a lot about on people's thoughts. Ho Chi Minh, the president of Viet Nam, is a prime example who for this. He traveled to many industrialized and advanced countries such as France and Russia to know how these countries became rich and developed in order to find. Since then, he found a progressive way to save his nation instead of using old and narrow-minded ways. As a result, he gained success with the independence of VietNam. Clearly, traveling brings people more chances to access many new things, which leads people to widen their perspective. Secondly, traveling is a good choice for people to relax. In more detail, they can release stress in their busy lives and recharge their batteries through with the trips. To illustrate, according to research by Harvard's University, if people totally concentrate and enjoy their favorite activities during the trip such as mountain climbing, sunbathing, or simply walking across the beach, can help them relax their mind and boost their positive energy. Therefore, people can travel to improve their emotion and energy.
Firstly
, from traveling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more open-minded by accessing progressive things.
In other words
, traveling to a place, which is modern and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their civilizations and lifestyles, can have a significant influence a lot about on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts. Ho Chi Minh, the president of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, is a prime example who for this. He traveled to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industrialized and advanced countries such as France and Russia to know how these countries became rich and developed in order to find. Since then, he found a progressive way to save his nation
instead
of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and narrow-minded ways.
As a result
, he gained success with the independence of
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
.
Clearly
, traveling brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more chances to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things, which leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to widen their perspective.

Secondly
, traveling is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax. In more detail, they can release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and recharge their batteries through with the trips. To illustrate, according to research by Harvard's University, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
totally
concentrate and enjoy their favorite activities during the trip such as mountain climbing, sunbathing, or
simply
walking across the beach, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax their mind and boost their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their emotion and energy.
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IELTS essay two benefits of travelling

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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