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traveling to foreign countries is better than moving in their own country like going to different cities in the country.

traveling to foreign countries is better than moving in their own country like going to different cities in the country. 7aKok
In my opinion, traveling to foreign countries is better than moving in their own country like going to different cities in the country. Personally, I disagree that People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. First of all, traveling to foreign country provides you with new cultures, languages learning and also makes you gain more skills that you never been accepted before, especially in your relationships with other people from different places. In my situation I am living now in the USA, I traveled to the USA from three years ago. Originally I am from Egypt, and I think that this experiment or you can say adventure is my essential event that happened to me in my life. I learned many languages in the USA like American English, Hindu and also Japanese. The reason for that, because I am studying at the American University in Fairfield city and this helped me in learning new languages and recognize new cultures. Finally, the traveling to America helped me in finding excellent opportunities in my career. I am working as Game Developer. I faced many problems related to this field in my country. In Egypt, you don't have more chances to get game developer position in any company. The reason for this problem that most programming companies in my country preferred to make web apps or mobile applications app related to industries companies like accounting programs, production analysis programs, in addition to developing apps for restaurants and other commercial enterprises. Rarely to find the company that makes games apps and if we see it, the company will give you few salary compared to the actual wage to this job in another country. So for these problems that I struggled with it in my country, I founded that the USA provided me with more chances in Games programming field, and also I am taking high salary associated with more advantages in my company in the USA. In conclusion, I see that people benefit more from traveling to foreign countries than from moving in their own country.
In my opinion, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is better than moving in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Personally
, I disagree that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
benefit more from traveling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
than from traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides you with new cultures, languages learning and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you gain more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that you
The adverb 'never' is usually put after the verb 'been'.
never been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
especially
in your relationships with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places. In my situation I am living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the USA, I traveled to the USA from three years ago.
Originally
I am from Egypt, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this experiment or you can say adventure is my essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that happened to me in my life. I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
languages in the USA like American English, Hindu and
also
Japanese. The reason for that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am studying at the American University in Fairfield city and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in learning new languages and recognize new cultures.

Finally
, the traveling to America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in finding excellent opportunities in my career. I am working as Game Developer. I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems related to this field in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In Egypt, you don't have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
game developer position in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The reason for this problem that most programming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
web apps or mobile applications app related to industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like accounting programs, production analysis programs,
in addition
to developing apps for restaurants and other commercial enterprises.
The adverb 'Rarely' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Rarely
to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apps and if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will give you
Possible agreement error. The noun salary seems to be countable; consider using: "few salaries".
few salary
compared to the actual wage to this job in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for these problems that I struggled with it in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, I founded that the USA provided me with more chances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
programming field, and
also
I am taking high salary associated with more advantages in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the USA.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
benefit more from traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than from moving in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay traveling to foreign countries is better than moving in their own country like going to different cities in the country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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