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Traveling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world Do you? agree or disagree with the statement Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.1

Traveling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world Do you? agree or disagree with the statement Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1
In the modern era, it has been observed that numerous folk are suffering from serious health problems due to obesity. In this essay, I will discuss both the causes and remedies. There is a plethora of reasons behind this problem. To begin with, due to heavy workloads, people often have to work extended hours in the office to meet the deadlines and as a result of which they become obese. Then, due to the shortage of time, they are totally dependent on the preserved foods which are readily available in the market and long term usage of which can cause numerous health problems. In addition, the junk foods have less nutritional value which is not appropriate for the healthy body. For example, In a recent survey, it has been observed that there has been a rise in the number of people suffering from obesity because of unhealthy eating habits. There are several remedies for this problem. Firstly, one can try to avoid the junk food and try to eat only homemade cooked food which is full of hygiene and have high nutritional value. Secondly, the people who are working extended hours in the office should take breaks at regular intervals to do some stretching exercises to avoid health problems. Lastly, the people should sleep at the right hours and wake up early in the morning. For instance, in a latest survey, it has been discovered that the masses who sleep at the right time and get up early in the morning have high intelligence level. To conclude, undoubtedly, in this competitive world where everyone wants to live a luxurious life and want to achieve everything, it becomes the need of the hour to work hard, but at the same time they have to adopt better lifestyle and eating habits for living a happy and healthy life.
In the modern era, it has
been observed
that numerous folk are suffering from serious health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
due to obesity. In this essay, I will discuss both the causes and remedies.

There is a plethora of reasons behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to heavy workloads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the office to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadlines and
as a result
of which they become obese. Then, due to the shortage of time, they are
totally
dependent on the preserved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are
readily
available in the market and long term usage of which can cause numerous health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
In addition
, the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have less nutritional value which is not appropriate for the healthy body.

For example
, In a recent survey, it has
been observed
that there has been a rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy eating habits.

There are several remedies for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, one can try to avoid the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and try to eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
homemade cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is full of hygiene and have high nutritional value.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the office should take breaks at regular intervals to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stretching exercises to avoid health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should sleep at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and wake up early in the morning.
For instance
, in
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest survey, it has
been discovered
that the masses who sleep at the right time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early in the morning have high intelligence level.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
, in this competitive world where everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life and want to achieve everything, it becomes the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adopt better lifestyle and eating habits for living a happy and healthy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Traveling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world Do you? agree or disagree with the statement Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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