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travel to explore the culture in places

travel to explore the culture in places kxxA8
I would love to travel to explore the culture in places where, if given the opportunity, I would participate in an entertainment activity called kayaking. As far as I have researched through many information sources such as on the internet or through friends, . . . , this is a sport involving paddling a light craft through the water. I also watched tutorials on how to take up Kayaking on Youtube. First, we need to learn to manage the paddle to drive the kayak so that we can change direction when in need. Second, it doesn’t matter you excel at swimming or not because we must always wear life jackets, it’s very important and to protect ourselves. Personally, this is a sport that brings many benefits to us. In terms of recreational effects, it offers a tranquil mode of transportation, gain control of speed, and easily stop to enjoy stunning views of the ocean or surrounding mountains. Besides, it also helps us get away from the hectic pace of life, immerse in nature to have a sound mind. Furthermore, it also offers physical benefits such as improving cardiovascular fitness and increases muscle strength, particularly in the back, arms, shoulders by moving the paddle.
I would
love
to travel to explore the culture in places where, if
given
the opportunity, I would participate in an entertainment activity called kayaking. As far as I have researched through
many
information sources such as on the internet or through friends
, .
.
.
,
this is a sport involving paddling a light craft through the water. I
also
watched
tutorials on how to take up Kayaking on
Youtube
.
First
, we need to learn to manage the paddle to drive the kayak
so
that we can
change
direction when in need. Second, it doesn’t matter you excel at swimming or not
because
we
must
always wear life jackets, it’s
very
important
and to protect ourselves.
Personally
, this is a sport that brings
many
benefits to us. In terms of recreational effects, it offers a tranquil mode of transportation, gain control of speed, and
easily
stop
to enjoy stunning views of the ocean or surrounding mountains.
Besides
, it
also
helps
us
get
away from the hectic pace of life, immerse in nature to have a sound mind.
Furthermore
, it
also
offers physical benefits such as improving cardiovascular fitness and increases muscle strength,
particularly
in the back, arms, shoulders by moving the paddle.
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IELTS essay travel to explore the culture in places

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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