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Do you think by teaching a subject about physical education in schools health issues among students can be reduced?

Do you think by teaching a subject about physical education in schools health issues among students can be reduced? Xyygg
In this modern era, health is wealth. It is believe that be making the subject of physical education. Yas i think that physical education can be helped to improve your health. Let me discuss the some benefits on the upcoming paragraphs. There are many benefits of physical education subject for students. Students can get knowledge about health. They can get knowledge how to fit their health. Then students do exercises to fit our health. Physical education is provide to students in the a school. This subject is provide to know people can do playing outdoor games. Students get up early in morning they can go to walk and in the morning time pupils do exercises to fit their body. Pupils can do yoga to fit their body and playing in a free time to relax their mind. Individuals also playing games to fit their body and relax their mind. Students take participate in school activities then are fit in health. Most of people are not doing exercise because they are not a physically fit. Some people like to eat only junk food they are also not fit. Pupils are not eating junk food to fit their body. They eat only green vegetables and fruits because it is getting energy to their body. Fruits are healthy for health. Some people avoid to junk food. In the book giving knowledge about games and also provide knowledge to about the players.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that be making the subject of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yas
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me discuss the
Did you mean "same"?
some
benefits on the upcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do exercises to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
school. This subject is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go playing".
do playing
outdoor games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early in morning they can go to walk and in the morning time pupils do exercises to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. Pupils can do yoga to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and playing in a free time to relax their mind. Individuals
also
playing games to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and relax their mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
take participate in school activities then are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
in health.

Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not doing exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not a
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
junk food they are
also
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
. Pupils are not eating junk food to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. They eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
green vegetables and fruits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is getting energy to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. Fruits are healthy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid to junk food. In the book giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about games and
also
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to about the players.

IELTS essay Do you think by teaching a subject about physical education in schools health issues among students can be reduced?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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