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Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v.2

Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v. 2
Around the world, as well as in my city, people are spending more time stuck in the traffic than they were a few decades ago. I think that popular adoption of public transport is necessary if cities have to function efficiently. Undoubtedly, having a private car has its benefits. Most important of them all is the extreme convenience it provides, especially to the families with kids. For instance, most of the commercial centres where I go to from my home are at least 10-15 minutes walk from the nearest bus stops. This means that every time I am travelling with my wife and 2 kids, I have to be very careful with kids crossing the road. Nevertheless, the benefits of using public transit far outweigh those of private cars. For example, public transit makes efficient use of road capacity. A normal bus takes as much road space as three cars, but it can have fifty to sixty people travelling in that space as compared to four to six people travelling in private cars. One of the major roads in my city centre has constructed a new metro bus lane that is exclusive only to buses. According to recent statistics, five times more people travel through that one lane as compared to the other two car lanes combined. Furthermore, public transit is a safer mode of transportation for both passengers as well as roadway users. Since drivers of public buses are employed and trained, they take their job professionally and drive within the speed limits and lanes. In my town, people are even afraid to walk or cycle, even for short distances because occasionally car drivers end up driving very close to the sidelines in order to break free of traffic. In conclusion, traffic jams are increasingly creating problems for the city. Usage of public transport would not only make cities safer and more efficient, it would also benefit the environment by reducing air pollution.
Around the world,
as well
as in my city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending more time stuck in the traffic than they were a few decades ago. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that popular adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport is necessary if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
function
efficiently
.

Undoubtedly
, having a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has its benefits. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of them all is the extreme convenience it provides,
especially
to the families with kids.
For instance
, most of the commercial
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
where I go to from my home are at least 10-15 minutes walk from the nearest bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
. This means that every time I am travelling with my wife and 2 kids, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful with kids crossing the road.

Nevertheless
, the benefits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit far outweigh those of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
efficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of road capacity. A normal bus takes as much road space as three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can have fifty to sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling in that space as compared to four to six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling in private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. One of the major roads in my city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
has constructed a new metro bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lane
that is
exclusive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to buses. According to recent statistics, five times more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel through that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lane
as compared to the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lanes
combined.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit is a safer mode of transportation for both passengers
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
roadway users. Since drivers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
buses
are employed
and trained, they take their job
professionally
and drive within the speed limits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lanes
. In my town,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even afraid to walk or cycle, even for short distances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
occasionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
drivers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up driving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to the sidelines in order to break free of traffic.

In conclusion
, traffic jams are
increasingly
creating problems for the city. Usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
safer and more efficient, it would
also
benefit the environment by reducing air pollution.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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