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Tpo51- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Tpo51- Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
It is undeniable that in this complicated and progressing era in which we live, media, specifically television, play a crucial role in the life of the humankind. People used to watch TV, and spend lots of time gathering information and enjoying movies, amusements and TV shows. While young people are no exception to this notion, some believe that television has more disadvantages compared to its benefits for them. Personally speaking, I agree with this claim, and I will make my side more clear in the next paragraphs. First, getting used to aggressively watching movies and TV will cause serious health problems. While young people need to take care of themselves by going to gyms and sports clubs in their spare times, many of them prefer to stay at home, watching TV, and spending most of their time not moving, staring at the TV screens. This unhealthy behavior leads to serious mental and physical problems, like anxiety and obesity. A personal example can drive this notion home. I have a twenty-year-old brother who spends most of his time in front of the TV, watching movies and playing TV games. Although he used to be a healthy guy before getting addicted to TV, he gradually started to gain weight and experienced different stresses and headaches. Finally, we made him visit a doctor, and the doctor prohibited him of TV-related issues for two months. Second, family relationships can be adversely affected by excessive attention to TV programs. It is crystal clear that the members of a family need to communicate with one another, and they should spend time together when they are at home. However, in many families, it is customary for members to watch TV instead of talking and communicating while they gather in the house. Therefore, the family' s bonds and connections will be weakened, and family members will separate from each other. Finally, young people need to strengthen their social abilities through communication and making continuous bonds with others. In this regard, they need to spend their time out of their rooms, discussing with others, playing outdoor games, taking part in social activities, and doing volunteering jobs. However, watching movies and TV shows are indoor activities which utterly stand against these activities. Thus, people lose their connections, become couch potatoes, and opt for a solitary lifestyle. In sum, I believe that TV and movies are harmful to young people and they should control their behavior while using them. Causing severe mental and physical problems, dividing family members apart and threatening social behaviors are disadvantages of the TV for youths.
It is undeniable that in this complicated and progressing era in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, media,
specifically
television, play a crucial role in the life of the humankind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gathering information and enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, amusements and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no exception to this notion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that television has more disadvantages compared to its benefits for them.
Personally
speaking, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my side more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in the
next
paragraphs.

First
, getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
aggressively
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV will cause serious health problems. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take care of themselves by going to gyms and sports clubs in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them prefer to stay at home, watching TV, and spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
not moving, staring at the TV screens. This unhealthy behavior leads to serious mental and physical problems, like anxiety and obesity. A personal example can drive this notion home. I have a twenty-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
brother who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the TV, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and playing TV games. Although he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a healthy guy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting addicted to TV, he
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to gain weight and experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and headaches.
Finally
, we made him visit a doctor, and the doctor prohibited him of TV-related issues for two months.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships can be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by excessive attention to TV programs. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to communicate with one another, and they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together when they are at home.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, it is customary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
instead
of talking and communicating while they gather in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s bonds and connections will
be weakened
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will separate from each other.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to strengthen their social abilities through communication and making continuous bonds with others. In this regard, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of their rooms, discussing with others, playing outdoor games, taking part in social activities, and doing volunteering jobs.
However
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are indoor activities which
utterly
stand against these activities.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their connections, become couch potatoes, and opt for a solitary lifestyle.

In sum, I believe that TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they should control their behavior while using them. Causing severe mental and physical problems, dividing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
apart and threatening social behaviors are disadvantages of the TV for youths.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo51- Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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