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TPO37Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. v.1

TPO37 Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. v. 1
Due to a sudden upsurge in the population amongst in most of the countries, it has become explicitly necessary to develop new urban areas. It is proposed that setting up either parks or sports complexes is remarkably essential than markets for residents to spend leisure time. I believe that both facilities are essential for people to attain a healthier lifestyle and convenience. To begin with, the key benefit of developing fitness centers and parks is that they can help every group of people to become more physically active. Where these facilities can be remarkably useful for elderly people, kids can also utilize them to play any sport. For example, my parents generally carry out daily evening walks in the park, allowing them to improve digestion and blood flow. Thus, if these fitness facilities are available, then it is more likely than not, their residents become more physically fit. Furthermore, the development of hypermarkets in the new township can be extremely useful as well since it could offer with the ease of shopping. When residents can buy their groceries or food items from the local shopping complex without going to the major markets, they tend to save a considerable amount of time. For example, as per a recent survey, up to 84% of the residents usually purchases goods from the close by shopping mall as it is more convenient for them. Therefore, if residents need to buy things instantaneously, then these supermarkets located in the same area are important. To conclude, the growth of population is on a constant upsurge, hence, new urbanisation is essential. This essay explained why community facilities and markets in the new towns are of identical importance as they can offer an ease and convenience. In my opinion, these facilities enable residents to socialize and shop easily.
Due to a sudden upsurge in the population amongst in most of the countries, it has become
explicitly
necessary to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
urban areas. It
is proposed
that setting up either parks or sports complexes is
remarkably
Use "(essential)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
essential
than markets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
to spend leisure time. I believe that both facilities are essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to attain a healthier lifestyle and convenience.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the key benefit of developing fitness centers and parks is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
every group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to become more
physically
active. Where these facilities can be
remarkably
useful for elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, kids can
also
utilize them to play any sport.
For example
, my parents
generally
carry out daily evening walks in the park, allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
digestion and blood flow.
Thus
, if these fitness facilities are available, then it is more likely than not, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
become more
physically
fit.

Furthermore
, the development of hypermarkets in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
township can be
extremely
useful
as well
since it could offer with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of shopping. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their groceries or food items from the local shopping complex without going to the major markets, they tend to save a considerable amount of time.
For example
, as per a recent survey, up to 84% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from the close by shopping mall as it is more convenient for them.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
instantaneously
, then these supermarkets located in the same area are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To conclude
, the growth of population is on a constant upsurge,
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
is essential. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why community facilities and markets in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
towns are of identical importance as they can offer an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and convenience. In my opinion, these facilities enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
to socialize and shop
easily
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO37 Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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