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TPO31- independent Writing: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

TPO31- independent Writing: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
The world has today changed a lot and brought different aspects to people’s lives in many ways. it is now challenging to survive without knowing and adapting ourselves to such novel changes. When it comes to being happy with life in this area, I firmly believe that people are now less happy or dissatisfied about their lives because of some important reasons. First, money is everything, and an individual will be judged based on the earnings and belongings. My father always tells me that you are what you earn, and I need to find money even if it is in the mouth of the lion. The ones who are not able to raise their financial situation are unhappy and always accused of not being responsible for their family members. however, people in the past are happier because the expectation of the family members is less than today, and their earnings were enough to live a happy life. Second, technology has altered our living styles and led people to have more hectic lives. As technology becomes mature, it makes our life more isolated where we do not need any help from our family members. it means that we are now able to find everything on the internet and handle them by ourselves. Meanwhile, people came together and asked each other their problems and somehow telling jokes. So, an adult’s advice was played a critical role in the survival and growing of the youngsters. however, these changes are not always harmful and bringing some new aspects like living in a more quicker society. As technology grows, it brings about a time improvement in any aspect of our lives. people in the past needed to go to the far-off lands by car where it took nearly one month to reach the destination. however, today, thanks to the airplane, visiting other countries take less than 3 hours. All in all, our lives today have been changed, and we are now less satisfied compared to the past. we will be judged based on our outcomes, and also technological advancement leads our lives to the more isolated life. this change has yet favored us with time advancement in every aspect of our life.
The world has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot and brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
challenging
Did you mean "surviving"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to survive
without knowing and adapting ourselves to such novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to being happy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in this area, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
happy or dissatisfied about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons.

First
, money is everything, and an individual will
be judged
based on the earnings and belongings. My father always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
me that you are what you earn, and I need to find money even if it is in the mouth of the lion. The ones who are not able to raise their financial situation are unhappy and always accused of not being responsible for their family members.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past are happier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the expectation of the family members is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
, and their earnings were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a happy life.

Second, technology has altered our living styles and led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. As technology becomes mature, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more isolated where we do not need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from our family members.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
means that we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
able to find everything on the internet and handle them by ourselves. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came together and asked each other their problems and somehow telling jokes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, an adult’s advice
was played
a critical role in the survival and growing of the youngsters.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are not always harmful and bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
like living in a
Use only "quicker" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more quicker
society. As technology grows, it brings about a time improvement in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
in the past needed to go to the far-off lands by car where it took
nearly
one month to reach the destination.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
, thanks to the airplane, visiting other countries take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than 3 hours.

All in all, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, and we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
satisfied compared to the past.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
will
be judged
based on our outcomes, and
also
technological advancement leads our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to the more isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
yet
favored us with time advancement in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO31- independent Writing: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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