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TPO 31_ Independent--Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 31_ Independent--Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, the world is under considerable changes everyday. Different technologies and gadgets are invented each months aiming to make the life easier and enjoyable. Although some people believe that the current days is not as good as the past, I feel that our current life is totally different from the life in the past and people have more pleasant moments in their current life. I contend this way for two reasons which I will explore them in the following essay. To begin with, currently, we have different kinds of communication technologies which we can use them for being kept in touch with our relatives and friends that are living in different places. As an example, I have an aunt living in Texas, USA, which we are talking over Skype every week and we know about the personal life of each other. This communication happens only because of the advancement in technologies and the changes in the world. Fifty years ago, as my grandma says, they were not aware of the persons that had already immigrated to another country or even another city at all. Secondly, in the current life, the people have lots of opportunities to have fun and make pleasant moments for themselves. For example, they can easily travel to another continent and become familiar with various cultures in the world while it was not possible in the past due to far distance and difficulty of traveling by ships or vehicles that were available at the time. Moreover, if people want to stay in their hometown or home country, different entertainment programs are available for them such as movies, dance clubs, amusement parks, etc. To sum up, although some people think the life in the past was better than now, I prefer the current life and I am happy with it. Although people in the past were close together, they had various problems which we can' t think about them now. Currently, we are able to do various fun activities to make the moments enjoyable while the people in the past were not able to.
Nowadays, the world is under considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
technologies and gadgets
are invented
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "month"?
months
aiming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier and enjoyable. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
days is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, I feel that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more pleasant moments in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I contend this way for two reasons which I will explore them in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
currently
, we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of communication technologies which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in touch with our relatives and friends that are living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places. As an example, I have an aunt living in Texas, USA, which we are talking over Skype every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
week and
we know about the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of each other. This communication happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advancement in technologies and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the world. Fifty years ago, as my grandma says, they were not aware of the persons that had already immigrated to another country or even another city at all.

Secondly
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lots of opportunities to have fun and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pleasant moments for themselves.
For example
, they can
easily
travel to another continent and become familiar with various cultures in the world while it was not possible in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
due to far distance and difficulty of traveling by ships or vehicles that were available at the time.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to stay in their hometown or home country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
entertainment programs are available for them such as movies, dance clubs, amusement parks, etc.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
was better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
I am happy with it. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
were close together, they had various problems which we
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Currently
, we are able to do various fun activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the moments enjoyable while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
were not able to.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 31_ Independent--Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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