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The man expresses her opinion about the change described in the article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. University Choir to Enter Off-Campus Singing CompetitionsCurrently, th v.1

The man expresses her opinion about the change described in the article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. University Choir to Enter Off-Campus Singing CompetitionsCurrently, th v. 1
Nowadays, people do not like to sit at home after retirement as it gets too boring for them. Moreover, they are too habitual of staying busy. Many countries do not allow people to work after a certain age, while, some specific industry does not accept applications if a candidate exceeds the criteria of maturity which the organisation has set up. However, recently some countries have made it illegal to reject applicant's basis their tenure and in my perspective, it is a positive development. For instance, in an industry like operations, many organisations do not accept the resume, if the person is above 40, even if he is a deserving candidate. Due to this, people feel de-motivated to even search for new opportunities and to think out of the box. According to recent studies by the aviation industry, most of the crew members are under the age of 38 and the colleagues who are already in the organisation after 38, they are being asked to do jobs on the ground which is really devastating for the employees. Also, in many countries, people are not allowed to work after the age of 60. This has an immense impact on senior citizen because, they have been working for a long time. Even after retirement, if they apply for a job, their applications get rejected. Recent studies by famous psychologists reveals that the 55 percent of anxiety and depression patients are senior citizens because of their loneliness. To conclude, I completely agree with the development of the policies in the country to not to reject the applicant's due to their age as it is just a number and we cannot gauge someone's capabilities by his seniority.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to sit at home after retirement as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
too boring for them.
Moreover
, they are too habitual of staying busy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work after a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific industry does not accept applications if a candidate exceeds the criteria of maturity which the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
has set up.
However
, recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have made it illegal to reject applicant's basis their tenure and in my perspective, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

For instance
, in an industry like operations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
do not accept the resume, if the person is above 40, even if he is a deserving candidate. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivated
to even search for new opportunities and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box. According to recent studies by the aviation industry, most of the crew members are under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 38 and the colleagues who are already in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
after 38, they are
being asked
to do jobs on the ground which is
really
devastating for the employees.

Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60. This has an immense impact on senior citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they have been working for a long time. Even after retirement, if they apply for a job, their applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rejected. Recent studies by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
psychologists reveals that the 55 percent of anxiety and depression patients are senior citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their loneliness.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the development of the policies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
reject the applicant's due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
number and
we cannot gauge someone's capabilities by his seniority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The man expresses her opinion about the change described in the article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. University Choir to Enter Off-Campus Singing CompetitionsCurrently, th v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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