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TPO Independent WritingDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. v.1

TPO Independent Writing To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. v. 1
Providing citizen's safety is one of the duties of the government. Thus, according to some the state should spend more on military spending and spend less on social welfare, such as health, education, retirement benefits, etc. In my opinion, the defence is more crucial than social benefits, therefore, I agree that the government ought to increase their spending on the military and spend less on social benefits. A good reason to increase defence spending and decrease social welfare spending is that the country will be more vulnerable without the spending on defence. At present, the state's response to the external threats is vital since, any attack to the nation will be more likely to disrupt its social services. This risk will be easily reduced by increasing the expenditure on military spending. Another point to consider is that according to Maslow's pyramid, feeling safe is one of our fundamental needs. Hence, the citizens have to feel safe in order to move the top of the pyramid from the base. For instance, people who live in safer countries will feel a lot happier than those who live in a country where it provides good social services but it is under threat. Moreover, people in a safe country will be able to enjoy life more and it will be a great reward to society. In conclusion, nations must increase their military expenditure in order not to disrupt their social services like education, health, etc. And in order to provide their citizens with a happy life.
Providing citizen's safety is one of the duties of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Thus
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the state should spend more on military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
and spend less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare, such as health, education, retirement benefits, etc. In my opinion, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
is more crucial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits,
therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the military and spend less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to increase
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
and decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be more vulnerable without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
. At present, the state's response to the external threats is vital since, any attack to the nation will be more likely to disrupt its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
services. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
will be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by increasing the expenditure on military spending.

Another point to consider is that according to Maslow's pyramid, feeling safe is one of our fundamental needs.
Hence
, the citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
feel safe in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the top of the pyramid from the base.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will feel a lot happier than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where it provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is under threat.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be able to enjoy life more and it will be a great reward to society.

In conclusion
, nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
increase their military expenditure in order not to disrupt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
services like education, health, etc. And in order to provide their citizens with a happy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO Independent Writing To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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