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TPO 29-Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 29- To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Modern technology has brought several information in the educational field. So, students will get any information with a click of the mouse. Some of the people think that providing opportunity to watch television frequently at home and school enables them to learn protectively. To a great extent I disagree with this statement. To begin with, the foremost reason why this practice does not become effective in student is that, it may distract the concentration of the pupil. Even though the shows are educational, a break it in the class and television broadcast arises curiosity in the children which process to poor academic performance. For instance, sometimes due to the time limits the responsible person in the school extend the shows after hours or next day. The students who get interest desires to know the remaining content. Consequently, that affects their study hours and losses the concentration. Hence, watching television at school regularly is not a good idea. Moreover, the consistent television hours reduce study minutes at home. Most of the children revise their subjects that learned together with parents or alone at home and spending time to see various programmes in television entertain them to continue for long. Therefore, the children help their study time and try to devote two different audio visual shows. For example, nowadays, there are a variety of programs which catch the attention of students and sparing hours for this presentation may affect their educational life badly. This, frequent display of television in home also not effectively support children's education. To conclude, students should watch different television programs to develop their knowledge and information, but consistent practice affects them by poor educational performance and reduced study hours.
Modern technology has brought
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some information".
several information
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information with a click of the mouse.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that providing opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
frequently
at home and school enables them to learn
protectively
. To a great extent I disagree with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost reason why this practice does not become effective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is that, it may distract the concentration of the pupil.
Even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
, a break it in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
broadcast arises curiosity in the children which process to poor academic performance.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
due to the time limits the responsible person in the school extend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
or
next
day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interest desires to know the remaining content.
Consequently
, that affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and losses the concentration.
Hence
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at school
regularly
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Moreover
, the consistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
minutes at home. Most of the children revise their subjects that learned together with parents or alone at home and spending time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
various
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
entertain them to continue for long.
Therefore
, the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
time and try to devote two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
audio visual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
For example
, nowadays, there are a variety of programs which catch the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and sparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for this presentation may affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
life
badly
. This, frequent display of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in home
also
not
effectively
support children's education.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs to develop their knowledge and information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
consistent practice affects them by poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
performance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO 29- To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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