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TPO Extra1 People learn things better from those at their own level such as fellow students or co workers than from those at a higher level such as teachers or supervisors v.2

TPO Extra1 People learn things better from those at their own level such as fellow students or co workers than from those at a higher level such as teachers or supervisors v. 2
People have huge influence on other people' s behavior and way of thinking. It comes as no surprise that efforts to finding the most influential people on individuals have been always among the top priorities. A controversial question which is often raised regarding this issue is whether people learn more from their peers such as their classmates or co-workers, or they learn more from elder people such as their teachers or supervisors. I, to a great extent, concur with the idea that people are more inclined to learn from the elder people. The rationale behind this thesis will be elaborated by the most outstanding reasons. The first exquisite point that makes me hold this belief is that elder people have more knowledge than young ones; therefore, they have higher influence on younger people. It goes without saying that people in the same age have almost equal knowledge; thus, they cannot affect each other hugely. But elder people are more knowledgeable and are more informed about their surroundings. Young people can rely on them, ask many questions and get their advices. As I remember, whenever I had a problem, I talked to my supervisor who is really a professional academic and non-academic person. He advised me patiently and got the best solution for each problem. On the other hand, when I talked to my classmates, they gave me nonsense solutions that I already knew. Another reason deserving some words here is that elder people are respectful for younger individuals. Besides, the more respectful the people are, the more influence they have on the other people. Consequently, elder people have more effects on youth than their peers. For example, I always respect elder people like my supervisor and my boss. It causes that their opinions are really invaluable for me and I exert them in my life. Whenever they say something to me, I completely listen and utilize it. Two years ago, I had a study problem. I could not get good grades. One of my friends told me that I have to change my study habits and instead of studying in the noisy rooms, I must study in the library. But, I did not pay attention to his advice. A few days later, my teacher said exactly the same thing that my friend told me. As I really respected him, I followed his advice. Few weeks later, my performance improved surprisingly. Finally, yet importantly, elder people like teachers and supervisors have more experience that people in the same age. The more time ones live, the more experience he/she will attain. He/she can get invaluable and practical information to people that he/she encounter with them before. For example, my supervisor is a man around 50th. He have really worthy experience. When I go to his office, he talked about his experiences in his life. He has great influence on me as I can evaluate the consequences of many works in my life. He teaches me many lessons about academic and personal life. He show me the right and wrong ways, the negative and positive consequences of my decisions. Had I not have my supervisor who talks about his experiences and guides me in the right way, I would have had many problems. In conclusion, contemplating all the aforementioned paragraphs, one can soon realize that elder people have better influence on people than people in the same age since not only do they have more knowledge, but also as they are respectful, people are more likely to follow their advises and they are experience people and give constructional guides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s behavior and way of thinking. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as no surprise that efforts to finding the most influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on individuals have been always among the top priorities. A controversial question which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
raised regarding this issue is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn more from their peers such as their classmates or co-workers, or they learn more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as their teachers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisors
. I, to a great extent, concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined to learn from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The rationale behind this thesis will
be elaborated
by the most outstanding reasons.

The
first
exquisite point that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me hold this belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more knowledge than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
;
therefore
, they have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the same age have almost equal knowledge;
thus
, they cannot affect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hugely
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more knowledgeable and are more informed about their surroundings. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can rely on them, ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their advices. As I remember, whenever I had a problem, I talked to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
a professional academic and non-academic person. He advised me
patiently
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the best solution for each problem. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when I talked to my classmates, they gave me nonsense solutions that I already knew.

Another reason deserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are respectful for younger individuals.
Besides
, the more respectful the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
they have on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more effects on youth than their peers.
For example
, I always respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
and my boss. It causes that their opinions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
invaluable for me and I exert them in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Whenever they say something to me, I completely listen and utilize it. Two years ago, I had a study problem. I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades. One of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my study habits and
instead
of studying in the noisy rooms, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study in the library.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I did not pay attention to his advice. A few days later, my teacher said exactly the same thing that my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me. As I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
respected him, I followed his advice. Few weeks later, my performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
surprisingly
.

Finally
,
yet
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisors
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the same age. The more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
he/she will attain. He/she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
invaluable and practical information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that he/she encounter with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
around 50th. He
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. When I go to his office, he talked about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He has great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on me as I can evaluate the consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He teaches me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons about academic and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "shows", "showed".
show
me the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences of my decisions. Had I not have my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
who talks about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and guides me in the right way, I would have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

In conclusion
, contemplating all the aforementioned paragraphs, one can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the same age since not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they have more knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as they are respectful,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to follow their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advises and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and give constructional guides.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO Extra1 People learn things better from those at their own level such as fellow students or co workers than from those at a higher level such as teachers or supervisors v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
596 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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