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TPO 9 -Independent taskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 9 -Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Children brain is forming in childhood. Brain requires information to develop and grow. This information should come from learning, where learning is identified as a brain' s process for all ages. Some agree that technology obstructs learning process, therefore make children less creative. Others disagree with the hampering statement. Even though technology brings new facets of the contemporary world to children, in my view, it actually impedes the learning process of the children, which results in their creativity because of two important reasons. First of all, technology and its applications are sufficiently interesting for a child with an immature brain in compare to a mature adult person. Children adapted to the technological environment by doing their tasks with ease in an intriguing world. Hobbies, toys, and plays in past are not absorbing children anymore. They are not as interesting as new plays and toys, which are entangled with technology. For instance, I remember my nephew' s birthday last summer. He was getting seven at that time and he had to go to school at the end of the season. I bought him a present which was a board game- The game of life. I was certain that he will enjoy it, due to the fact that I played it with my siblings in my childhood and I loved it so much. Neverwithstanding, After my nephew opened it, he seemed not impressed about it. After a while, he put it on the top of the pile of presents and open another present, which was a new computer game. His eyes sparkled instantly and he thrilled about it. To be honest, I think he forgot about my present. This example showed me how children are interested in using others creativity rather than use their own creativity to come up with something novel. Second, technology advancement is the main victim for ruining the creativity of children. It also oblige them to use technology instead of rudimentary tasks. children form preceding decades, are parents today. The revolution of technology occurs at this period, and parents adapted to this scientific breakthrough. Because of this dramatically change, they have obsessed with technology and its facilities. Thus they have filled the space around themselves by lots of high technology devices. Thus, When a baby born in a house, the devices still remain in the resident and there is no endeavor to perish them. As the baby grows up in a technological environment, he/she will adapt to this kind of situation. This will form up child' s desires to technology devices rather than build it up from basic devices and plays. Conclusively, parents should blame themselves for this environment that they provided for their child, and maybe they should blame the technology for their children uncreativeness. As we see, technology is detrimental for children creativity. Parents should provide a calm environment compose of both technology and old plays to help their child growing in the modern world and develop creativity progressively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
is forming in childhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brain
requires information to develop and grow. This information should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is identified
as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
brain&
#039; s process for all ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
obstructs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative. Others disagree with the hampering statement.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings new facets of the contemporary world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, in my view, it actually impedes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which results in their creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and its applications are
sufficiently
interesting for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with an immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
in compare to a mature adult person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
adapted to the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by doing their tasks with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in an intriguing world. Hobbies, toys, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
in past are not absorbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
anymore. They are not as interesting as new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
and toys, which
are entangled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For instance
, I remember my
Possible spelling mistake found.
nephew&
#039; s birthday last summer. He was getting seven at that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
he had to go to school at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the season. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
which was a board game- The game of life. I was certain that he will enjoy it, due to the fact that I played it with my siblings in my childhood and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neverwithstanding
, After my nephew opened it, he seemed not impressed about it. After a while, he put it on the top of the pile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
and open another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, which was a new computer game. His eyes sparkled
instantly
and he thrilled about it. To be honest, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
he forgot about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
me how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are interested
in using others creativity
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
creativity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with something novel.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advancement is the main victim for ruining the creativity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
also
Did you mean "obliges"?
oblige
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
instead
of rudimentary tasks.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
form preceding decades, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The revolution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
occurs at this period, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
adapted to this scientific breakthrough.
Because of this
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, they have obsessed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and its facilities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they have filled the space around themselves by lots of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
Thus
, When a baby born in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
still
remain in the resident and there is no endeavor to perish them. As the baby grows up in a technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, he/she will adapt to this kind of situation. This will form up
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s desires to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
rather
than build it up from basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
.
Conclusively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should blame themselves for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
that they provided for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, and maybe they should blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncreativeness
.

As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is detrimental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
creativity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should provide a calm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
compose of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
growing in the modern world and develop creativity
progressively
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 9 -Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
493 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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