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TPO 8 Q4Using the examples of the peanut bug and the morpho butterfly, explain the concept of revealing coloration. v.1

TPO 8 Q4Using the examples of the peanut bug and the morpho butterfly, explain the concept of revealing coloration. v. 1
Due to the advancement of the medical science, elderly citizens are on the increase and hence, their expenses to survive have also been increased. There is a portion of the society, who believes that, it is not the responsibility of the regime to facilitate older people financially for their survival, because, elders can collect the funds, when they are young. However, I partially agree with the given statement and the reasons are explained in trailed paragraphs. To begin with, undoubtedly, the old age is the part of the life and everyone must have to suffer from this stage of the life. So, it is the responsibility of individuals to save money and use that in their senility. Furthermore, at this age, their children have turned into adults and they have started earning, and as, their parents have contributed a lot to educate them, it is also the children's responsibility to help them in their declining years. Moreover, governments of any nation have plenty of other sections, in which, they have to provide funds. For example, in some developing countries, some people are still deprived of the basic necessities, such as, food, cloth and shelter, let alone the getting advantage of the pension in their old age. Therefore, the authority should use the fund to provide every citizen the basic necessities instead of, spending on the older people. Despite these arguments, it is an irrefutable fact that, people are paying heavy taxes, while they are working, for the betterment of the society. Additionally, they have also contributed a lot to serve the society in their young age. So, in their declining years, they can definitely expect the support, in the form of the care and the monetary matter from the society. To conclude, to some extent, I believe that, they deserve the help from the authority. However, individuals should prepare financially for the later stage of the life.
Due to the advancement of the medical science, elderly citizens are on the increase and
hence
, their expenses to survive have
also
been increased
. There is a portion of the society, who believes that, it is not the responsibility of the regime to facilitate older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
financially
for their survival,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, elders can collect the funds, when they are young.
However
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and the reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the part of the life and everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from this stage of the life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is the responsibility of individuals to save money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that in their senility.
Furthermore
, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, their children have turned into
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
earning, and as, their parents have contributed a lot to educate them, it is
also
the children's responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their declining years.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of any nation have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of other sections, in which, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide funds.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
deprived of the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
, such as, food, cloth and shelter,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the getting advantage of the pension in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Therefore
, the authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the fund to provide every citizen the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
instead
of, spending on the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Despite these arguments, it is an irrefutable fact that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are paying heavy taxes, while they are working, for the betterment of the society.
Additionally
, they have
also
contributed a lot to serve the society in their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in their declining years, they can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the support, in the form of the care and the monetary matter from the society.

To conclude
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe that, they deserve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the authority.
However
, individuals should prepare
financially
for the later stage of the life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO 8 Q4Using the examples of the peanut bug and the morpho butterfly, explain the concept of revealing coloration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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