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TPO 52 - Question 2Then whether your reasons, using specific details in your explanation. People are more likely to enjoy themselves at concerts or films if they go with a group of friends. v.1

TPO 52 - Question 2Then whether your reasons, using specific details in your explanation. People are more likely to enjoy themselves at concerts or films if they go with a group of friends. v. 1
In today’s world, social media is used by everyone, but it is believed by many that this has many adverse effects on both the individuals and society. I think people should be aware about its negative impacts as this problem is not sustainable. Undoubtedly, social networking sites have its benefits. Most important of them all is the extreme convenience it provides to everyone. For instance, masses are able to communicate face-to-face with their relatives or friends who are far away from them. Even I use Facebook or Skype to contact with my friends as many are living in foreign countries. Moreover, this also helps in making good relations with people of other countries. Individuals become more sociable nowadays and make new friends online without the discrimination of caste or religion. Nevertheless, the advantages of social media far outweigh its disadvantages. For example, it is a complete waste of time especially for students. They all time use twitter, Facebook for their entertainment and as a consequence, this leads to poor academic performance. Secondly, crime rate is also increasing day by day. Such as the account of one of my friends was hacked by someone for the sake of money and no one could do anything for her. Furthermore, our health suffers a lot because of these websites. Since technology is being increased, people do not do any kind of physical activities. They just stuck in front of laptops or computers whole day. According to a recent statistics released by the Department of Health, 15% more people face the problem of obesity as compared to a decade ago. Clearly, these social sites have its pros, but we cannot ignore its bad effects on individuals and community.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects on both the individuals and society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware about its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts as this problem is not sustainable.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have its benefits. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of them all is the extreme convenience it provides to everyone.
For instance
, masses are able to communicate face-to-face with their relatives or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who are far away from them. Even I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Facebook or Skype to contact with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are living in foreign countries.
Moreover
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other countries. Individuals become more sociable nowadays and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
online without the discrimination of caste or religion.

Nevertheless
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media far outweigh its disadvantages.
For example
, it is a complete waste of time
especially
for students. They all time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
twitter, Facebook for their entertainment and as a consequence, this leads to poor academic performance.
Secondly
, crime rate is
also
increasing day by day. Such as the account of one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
was hacked
by someone for the sake of money and no one could do anything for her.

Furthermore
, our health suffers a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these websites. Since technology is
being increased
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do any kind of physical activities. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stuck in front of laptops or computers whole day. According to a recent statistics released by the Department of Health, 15% more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face the problem of obesity as compared to a decade ago.

Clearly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites have its pros,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on individuals and community.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay TPO 52 - Question 2Then whether your reasons, using specific details in your explanation. People are more likely to enjoy themselves at concerts or films if they go with a group of friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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