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TPO 47Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. v.2

TPO 47 In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. v. 2
In the modern world, it is true that each person lives in society. In this regard, there is an opinion that in order to be peaceful and joyful, economic prosperity is essential for the members of society. However, others feel that each individual responsible for his/her happiness. Personally, I reckon that economic development can lead to live a better life. It is widely thought that the main component of fortune is a good life. That is to say, individuals should have a shelter under their head, accomplish their purposes and receive a good treatment in order to consider themselves as a blessed person. Therefore, many wealthy countries’ citizens are happier than the people who are living in poor countries. A good illustration of this is Scandinavian countries. According to World Happiness Report, these countries’ citizens are the happiest nation in the world. On the other hand, others feel that each individual can live a happy life, if they satisfy with their current situation and wealth. Therefore, many poop people consider themselves as a delighted person, because they believe that there are a plethora of other things instead of convenient life, which can bring happiness to the people. For example, family, friends and relatives can make individuals joyful. In addition, a lot of poor people are not more stressful than wealthy people. In other words, rich people can earn some illness, when they pay much attention to double their money. In conclusion, although many people tend to think that happiness is not related to wealth, personally, I believe that in order to realize own potential, it is crucial to have enough wealth.
In the modern world, it is true that each person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in society. In this regard, there is an opinion that in order to be peaceful and joyful, economic prosperity is essential for the members of society.
However
, others feel that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
responsible for his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Personally
, I reckon that economic development can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life.

It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the main component of fortune is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should have a shelter under their head, accomplish their purposes and receive a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment in order to consider themselves as a blessed person.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
citizens are happier than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is Scandinavian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. According to World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
Report, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
citizens are the happiest nation in the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others feel that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life, if they satisfy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation and wealth.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
poop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider themselves as a delighted person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that there are a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
instead
of convenient life, which can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, family, friends and relatives can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
joyful.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not more stressful than wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illness, when they pay much attention to double their money.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not related to wealth,
personally
, I believe that in order to realize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
potential, it is crucial to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
wealth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay TPO 47 In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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