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TPO-47: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v.2

TPO-47: It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2
In the bustling lives of today’s people, lots of news and information from all around the world are always swirling about the media and social networks. Although some might be indifferent to what is happening across the globe, as they think it does not affect their everyday lives, others argue that it is quite necessary to stay informed of all the broadcasts. I, personally, have to agree with the later, believing it is essential to stay in tune with all that is happening around the world. With the vast spread of social networks and media across the globe, we have become connected with people from far and near. This connection has caused us to be affected by all that is going on in the world, even in the most distant countries. Although, some might not feel this universal connection, the politics of every country is influenced by all the events from other countries, and these political decisions directly impact the lives of all the civilians. In other words, even though a particular event in a distant country might not seem important at first, it could have a great impact on the political decisions made and thus, influencing the lives of normal citizens. For this reason, it is very important to be informed of all the happenings from around the word so we can make better decisions when voting for particular politicians. By this means, we can help ensure that the most suitable politicians are employed in the government, politicians that will make the decisions most suited for our lives. Another reason that comes to mind is that by being aware of the different events from all around the world, we could gain a deeper insight of life and humanity. Seeing the struggles of people in distant lands could lead to a raised awareness and consciousness of life. With this increased awareness, we could try to help struggled people in near or distant lands and promote peace. In this way, we can all unite to help create a better world for the generations to come. In general, I believe it is quite important to be informed of all that is happening in countries near and far. Even though the news might be overwhelming for some people, it is essential to be aware of different events so we could make suitable decisions during the course of different elections. Furthermore, staying informed of different news will lead to an increased awareness and consciousness of humanity and life. With this elevated awareness, we could try to promote peace and raise assistance for the people in need of it.
In the bustling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, lots of news and information from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are always swirling about the media and social networks. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be indifferent to what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
across the globe, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it does not affect their everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, others argue that it is quite necessary to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
of all the broadcasts. I,
personally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
, believing it is essential to stay in tune with all
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world.

With the vast spread of social networks and media across the globe, we have become connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from far and near. This connection has caused us to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by all
that is
going on in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, even in the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not feel this universal connection, the politics of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is influenced
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and these political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
directly
impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of all the civilians.
In other words
,
even though
a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
at
first
, it could have a great impact on the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
made and
thus
, influencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of normal citizens.
For this reason
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happenings
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
when voting for particular politicians. By this means, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ensure that the most suitable politicians
are employed
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, politicians that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
most suited for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Another reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is that by being aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, we could gain a deeper insight of life and humanity. Seeing the struggles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distant
lands could lead to a raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
and consciousness of life. With this increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
, we could try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
struggled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in near or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distant
lands and promote peace. In this way, we can all unite to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for the generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

In general
, I believe it is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
of all
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
near and far.
Even though
the news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be overwhelming for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is essential to be aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
during the course of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
elections.
Furthermore
, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
news will lead to an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
and consciousness of humanity and life. With this elevated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
, we could try to promote peace and raise assistance for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need of it.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-47: It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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