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TPO 36-Independent- For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v.2

TPO 36-Independent- For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v. 2
Today, in almost every country, education as a very important concern. In my view, it is far better for governments to spend money on education of very young children. I have two crucial reasons that I will explore in the following essay. First and foremost, it is established beyond doubt that the best time for finding interests and abilities of every individual is in childhood period. When you find your interest in the elementary school you can flourish it in the future. Conversely, when you find you choose an incorrect major in the university, that will be so late for change. For instance, last week I read an article in a popular magazine of education. This paper was saying about 40 percent of students in my country, are unsatisfied by their majors in their university. It also added, 20 percent of them change their major in the university after one or two year. So that means students wasted their money and the government moneys in these one or two years of study. Had government allocated more money for finding children' s talents in the first levels of education, more students would have been interested on their majors in the university. Secondly, schools need more money because they cannot earn money individually. Almost every university has some ways for earning money. Instead of tuition of students, they have some facilities for earning cash. My university is a compelling example of this. My university rent their gym, conference hall, cinema, and pool to the individual companies, in the specific days of year such as summer vacations. Also my university has a basketball team that every year earn so much money in my country competitions. Conversely, beside gevernment' s budget, my highschool in my home town did nod have other income. For money problem, I remember that in some parts of year we would not be able to use our pool in the school. Because the bills was so high and school was not able to pay them. In sum, I strongly believe that for a better and more succesful future, governments should spend more money on education of very young children. I think so because students can find their interests sooner, and also because schools have more money difficulties.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, in almost every country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concern. In my view, it is far better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young children. I have two crucial reasons that I will explore in the following essay.

First
and foremost, it
is established
beyond doubt that the best time for finding interests and abilities of every individual is in childhood period.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
you find your interest in the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
you can flourish it in the future.
Conversely
, when you find you choose an incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
late for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For instance
, last week I read an article in a popular magazine of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This paper was saying about 40 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in my country,
are unsatisfied
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
, 20 percent of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after one or two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wasted their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moneys
in these one or two years of study. Had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocated more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for finding
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s talents in the
first
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would have
been interested
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
in the university.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
individually
. Almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways for earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Instead
of tuition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities for earning cash. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a compelling example of this. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
rent their gym, conference hall, cinema, and pool to the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, in the specific days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
such as summer vacations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has a basketball team that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in my country competitions.
Conversely
, beside
Possible spelling mistake found.
gevernment&
#039; s budget, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
in my home town did nod have other income. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
problem, I remember that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
we would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our pool in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the bills was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was not able to pay them.

In sum, I
strongly
believe that for a better and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young children. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find their interests sooner, and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
difficulties.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 36-Independent- For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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