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TPO-34 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site. Us v.1

TPO-34 - Independent Writing Task Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site. Us v. 1
Nowadays, using technological tools such as cellphones, laptops and smart gadgets are become more popular among students and youths. So, as every new phenomenon, these tools has their own advantages and disadvantages. In the case of education, some people believe that students are distracted by such gadgets while others claim that these tools are enable students to broaden their knowledge by accessing to valuable resources of sciences. Personally, my perspective is closer to supporter of these gadgets and social media. In the first place, technology enable students to access a wide variety of websites and channels in social media in order to aware about the latest events happening in the world. Students usually use search engines such as Google to find extra materials related to their courses. For instance, some of my students solved their math problems with novel methods which were unfamiliar to me. When I asked them where you find these methods, they answered that they find it from some scientific websites. So, if these students were in the past, they definitely had followed the routine method that described by their book and they did not spend time on internet and tried to find a different solution, like a real researcher. In the second place, by playing games in cell phones, students are enable to learn and get information about their courses. This advantage, which is called Gamification, is a very popular and effective method of learning and educating among children and even adults. For example, students can install some applications like Doulingo on their cell phone and start to learn different languages (e. g. French). While they are playing, they review and apply what they' ve learned about the vocabularies, phrases and conversations in a real life setting. Hence, new technologies provide us many new ways to improve our educational system' s performance. Finally, students can use materials of online tutors as well as school teachers in order to have better understanding about the courses. We all know that although everything is written in books, but understanding concepts isn' t a thing that simply done by just reading, otherwise, we need some people to explain them for us. Students can go online and register in some online classes like Coursera and watch to their videos which taught by very famous teachers. So, they can fix their problems and cover weak points by online classes. In conclusion, I think that the ways of using these tools are more important than just emphasizing on their disadvantages. We should consider that everything have a dark side too and these gadgets can act like a double-edge sword which can make our children prosper or miserable.
Nowadays, using technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
such as cellphones, laptops and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are become
more popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and youths.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as every new phenomenon, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages. In the case of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are distracted
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
while others claim that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
are enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to broaden their knowledge by accessing to valuable resources of sciences.
Personally
, my perspective is closer to supporter of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
and social media.

In the
first
place, technology enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to access a wide variety of websites and channels in social media in order to aware about the latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
search engines such as Google to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
extra materials related to their courses.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
solved their math problems with novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
which were unfamiliar to me. When I asked them where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
, they answered that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific websites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were in the past, they definitely had followed the routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
book and
they did not spend time on internet and tried to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solution, like a real researcher.

In the second place, by playing games in cell phones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
Consider using a past participle here: "enabled".
enable
to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about their courses. This advantage, which
is called
Gamification, is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of learning and educating among children and even adults.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can install
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applications like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Doulingo
on their cell phone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
French). While they are playing, they review and apply what
Possible spelling mistake found.
they&
#039; ve learned about the vocabularies, phrases and conversations in a real life setting.
Hence
, new technologies provide us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our educational
Possible spelling mistake found.
system&
#039; s performance.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
materials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tutors
as well
as school teachers in order to have better understanding about the courses. We all know that although everything
is written
in books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
understanding concepts
Possible spelling mistake found.
isn&
#039; t a thing that
simply
done by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading,
otherwise
, we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and register in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes like Coursera and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to their videos which taught by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their problems and cover weak points by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the ways of using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
emphasizing on their disadvantages. We should consider that everything have a dark side too and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
can act like a double-edge sword which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our children prosper or miserable.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-34 - Independent Writing Task Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site. Us v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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