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TPO 32 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole v.1

TPO 32 Writing Independent Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole v. 1
In the modern era, a society consists of people with different roles. Some are authorities, some are those who obey. The construction of most societies and governments is viewed in a way that the decisions and plans are made by the most high-ranked authorities and other organizations and people are in charge of implementing and obeying the rules. This would cause several people, especially young people to think that they can' t have any influence on the important decisions that determine the future of their society while others hold exactly the opposite view. From my vantage point, young people could have conspicuous effects on the future of their society. In the following paragraphs, the most significant reasons will be explained. The first aspect to point out is the success of a country is mostly related to the country' s people, its government and workforce. If a country has a large population of the adept workforce, its industry will thrive and would become independent from other countries for supplying its need. Therefore, young people could be considered the wealth of a country. Those are the very people who are going to be the decision makers, run the wheels of the society, be doctors and teachers who provide knowledge and health and be those who implement the rules. If these people are responsible and deft, without a shadow of doubt, the country is governed perfectly and is successful. On the other hand, if the majority of the young generation of a country tend to be lazy or spend time on doing useless things, the country would definitely tackle with crimes and economic crises and would become dependent on other countries. In many countries in the world which are under control of other countries, one of the major factors of the dependence is that such countries lack having capable people for governing the country. Had the countries had more knowledgeable and tactful young people, their fate would be different from what we observe now. But, these countries lack young educated people to make the necessary decisions and execute them to change their future. Furthermore, young people can cause dramatic changes in the future of their country. As we know many revolutions and changes are held by young people. Young people are ambitious and think beyond the boundaries of their minds. They want a perfect society and perfect lives for whole and don' t fear from change. Even, they may put their lives in danger to save their country' s future. Taking a look at many revolutions in the world, most of them are held by young people who dare to express their plans and ideas, unlike other ages which may act conservatively and prefer to stay in the steady and consistent state. A good example is slavery abolishment in which several young people had an influential role to make it happen. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that nowadays young people can have a dramatic impact on their society. They are ambitious and tenacious than anyone else and this would cause them to become the most influential range of society which can bring about the success of a country. It is highly recommended that if a country wants to guarantee its success, it devotes its budget to train knowledgeable and wise workforces and pay more attention to its young generation.
In the modern era, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
roles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are authorities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
obey. The construction of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
is viewed
in a way that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and plans
are made
by the most high-ranked authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organizations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in charge of implementing and obeying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. This would cause several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t have any influence on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that determine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
while others hold exactly the opposite view. From my vantage point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have conspicuous effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In the following paragraphs, the most significant reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

The
first
aspect to point out is the success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
mostly
related to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and workforce. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a large population of the adept workforce, its industry will thrive and would become
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for supplying its need.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
be considered
the wealth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Those are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are going to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
makers, run the wheels of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, be doctors and teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
provide knowledge and health and be those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
implement the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are responsible and deft, without a shadow of doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is governed
perfectly
and is successful. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tend to be lazy or spend time on doing useless things, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would definitely tackle with crimes and economic crises and would become dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world which are under control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, one of the major factors of the dependence is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lack having capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for governing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had more knowledgeable and tactful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their fate would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from what we observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and execute them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their future.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As we know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
revolutions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are held
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ambitious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
beyond the boundaries of their minds. They want a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for whole and
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t fear from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. Even, they may put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to save their
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Taking a look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
revolutions in the world, most of them
are held
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dare to express their plans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ages which may act
conservatively
and prefer to stay in the steady and consistent state. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is slavery abolishment in which several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had an influential role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it happen.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have a dramatic impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They are ambitious and
Use "(tenacious)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
tenacious
than anyone else and this would cause them to become the most influential range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which can bring about the success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is
highly
recommended that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wants to guarantee its success, it devotes its budget to train knowledgeable and wise
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
and pay more attention to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
81Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay TPO 32 Writing Independent Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
561 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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