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TPO 31 - Question 6 Using the example of the owl and the wolf, explain how two special body features have helped arctic animals adapt to the cold. v.1

TPO 31 - Question 6 Using the example of the owl and the wolf, explain how two special body features have helped arctic animals adapt to the cold. v. 1
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that is subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped from school academic because these subjects are not much useful to build outstanding career. Some people also believe that these subjects have been replaced with core subjects like information technology, computer and so on. A lion's share of society favours it. However, the rest goes averse it. The following paragraph would highlight my personal perspective along with apt example. I do not see eye to eye with a central idea for various reasons. First and foremost, all schools have to focus on an overall personality development of students rather than choose those subjects which only required to learn when take up as a career related point of view. In fact, nowadays diverse fields like music, art, dancing, had a greater scope to turn dreams into reality. Moreover, these subjects learning also helpful to identify the hidden talent of students because not everyone wants to do a job in IT industries. Secondly, by considering these former subjects students can aware about what's happening around them. So, schools have to choose subjects as per the interest of students. As a result, they can studies that particular subject with more concentration power and effectiveness. On the other hand, People believe that subjects like music, arts, and dancing were the only way of distraction from studies. They believe that if they studied core subjects like information technology and computers in former school days, so they gain some basic knowledge about it which helpful to build a better career and get a more job opportunities. To substantiate there is an epitome of rapid growth of IT sector. To conclude, I would like to state that both point of view are relevant and valid. But I believe that the first view is more effective and powerful. So, school curriculum have to add this subjects.
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as art, sport and music are
being dropped
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not much useful to build outstanding career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have
been replaced
with core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like information technology, computer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. A lion's share of society
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
it.
However
, the rest goes averse it. The following paragraph would highlight my personal perspective along with apt example.

I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye with a central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for various reasons.
First
and foremost, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on an
overall
personality development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
than choose those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
required to learn when take up as a career related point of view. In fact, nowadays diverse fields like music, art, dancing, had a greater scope to turn dreams into reality.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
learning
also
helpful to identify the hidden talent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone wants to do a job in IT industries.

Secondly
, by considering these former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can aware about what's happening around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as per the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "study"
studies
that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
with more concentration power and effectiveness.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music, arts, and dancing were the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way of distraction from studies. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if they studied core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like information technology and computers in former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic knowledge about it which helpful to build a better career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more job opportunities. To substantiate there is an epitome of rapid growth of IT sector.

To conclude
, I would like to state that both point of view are relevant and valid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
first
view is more effective and powerful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 31 - Question 6 Using the example of the owl and the wolf, explain how two special body features have helped arctic animals adapt to the cold. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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