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TPO-29 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? To improve the quality of education, universities should spend money on salaries university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO-29 - Independent Writing Task To improve the quality of education, universities should spend money on salaries university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
To begin with, here according to the some individuals the famous people who are on TV like movie actors and game personalities or singers are getting more pay than they should get. In addition, I will be explaining that whether I support this thinking or not, and in addition to I will discuss which other professions deserves the high amount of pay. Firstly I would state that I assent to the above statement that they earn more than they should, while there is no denying the fact that they work hard. These people featured on the TV too much, hence they are widely recognized by everyone. On the contrary, I believe there are other fields as well who works as hard as these people but still they are not able to earn that much. For example a movie actor earns in Crores for acting in a single movie while other professions like their support staff. Moving on, I believe the Army, Doctors and Police are thankless jobs and they definitely deserves to pay much more than they are getting, because there are some of the very important areas of our society. For instance, they always have to do their job irrespective of the situation they are in, even more when there are some problems going on moreover their effort actually increases while others can afford to rest. They provide us the safety, consequently which ensures our freedom. Finally, I would like to conclude by restating that these fields earn more salary than they should and Doctors, Army and Police also deserves the hike in the money that they are getting undoubtedly their task is extremely important and hard and in a sense they are the true role models and heroes of our society.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, here according to the
Did you mean "same"?
some
individuals the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are on TV like movie actors and game personalities or singers are getting more pay than they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
In addition
, I will be explaining that whether I support this thinking or not, and
in addition
to I will discuss which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions deserves the high amount of pay.

Firstly
I would state that I assent to the above statement that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more than they should, while there is no denying the fact that they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
featured on the TV too much,
hence
they are
widely
recognized by everyone.
On the contrary
, I believe there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields
as well
who works as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
they are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
that much.
For example
a movie actor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
in Crores for acting in a single movie while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions like their support staff.

Moving on, I believe the Army, Doctors and Police are thankless
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they definitely
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "deserve"
deserves
to pay much more than they are getting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas of our society.
For instance
, they always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their job irrespective of the situation they are in, even more when there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems going on
moreover
their effort actually increases while others can afford to rest. They provide us the safety,
consequently
which ensures our freedom.

Finally
, I would like
to conclude
by restating that these fields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more salary than they should and Doctors, Army and Police
also
deserves the hike in the money that they are getting
undoubtedly
their task is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and in a sense they are the true role models and heroes of our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO-29 - Independent Writing Task To improve the quality of education, universities should spend money on salaries university professors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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