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Tpo 28. Parents are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Agree or disagree. v.2

Tpo 28. Parents are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Agree or disagree. v. 2
Whether these days parents get more involved in their children’s education rather than past would be a controversial issue. Although some people believe that today parents do not care about their children’s educational levels because they have become permissive, I hold this opinion that without any doubt parents have paid more attention to their children’s academic achievements. Since the parents have become more knowledgeable, and technologies prevent today’s talented children from focusing on their subjects, fathers and mothers have involved in children’s education. This essay is going to elaborate on these reasons more exhaustively. To begin with, parents because of their academic backgrounds devote considerable attention to their children’s education. Parents know attending university is getting highly competitive and their children have to be eligible so that they can be accepted by prestigious universities. Besides, they always try to advise their children study hard and make their own best to get trustworthiness jobs in the future. For example, since many father and mothers want their children to pursue their academic degrees in advanced countries such as USA, so they register their children in the best English classes until they become ready for TOEFL and GRE exams. Parents are also familiar with popular job opportunities of a societies, they recommend their children that which major they should study, which will bring their children status and prestige. Along with parents’ knowledge, with the arrival of advanced technologies, parents are more likely to involve in their children’s education. The invention of computer games and the Internet, children have less concentration on their subjects, they just would like either to surf the Internet or to sit in front of T. V programs. However, because parents are aware of their abilities and talents, they motivate their children to devote more their times to their academic subjects. Parents make an appointment with academic adviser to make organized plans for their children to study their materials so that their children could enter high ranking universities. Because today children have more indepndence, well-informed parents are worried about whether they spend with their top classmates or not, if they do not, they will ask their teachers to make close friendship between their children and hard-working students. Today parents are both highly-educated and well-informed, and children can easily be distracted by technologies, so parents try to involve in their education to encourage them for studying hard rather than past. I hope that all parents know how to involve in their children’s academic achievement, it would be a good idea to pay more attention to their children’s future, but they should not force their children which major they have to choose.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
these days
You should probably use "parent".
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than past would be a controversial issue. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
educational levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have become permissive, I hold this opinion that without any doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have paid more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have become more knowledgeable, and technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from focusing on their subjects, fathers and mothers have involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay is going to elaborate on these reasons more
exhaustively
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
backgrounds devote considerable attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
know attending university is getting
highly
competitive and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be eligible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by prestigious universities.
Besides
, they always try to advise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trustworthiness jobs in the future.
For example
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
father and mothers want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
degrees in advanced countries such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they register their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the best English classes until they become ready for TOEFL and GRE exams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are
also
familiar with popular job opportunities of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a society" or simply "societies"?
a societies
, they recommend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that which major they should study, which will bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
status and prestige.

Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
knowledge, with the arrival of advanced technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more likely to involve in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The invention of computer games and the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less concentration on their subjects, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
would like either to surf the Internet or to sit in front of T. V programs.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are aware of their abilities and talents, they motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to devote more their times to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an appointment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
adviser to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
organized plans for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study their materials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could enter high ranking universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
indepndence
, well-informed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are worried
about whether they spend with their top classmates or not, if they do not, they will ask their teachers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
close friendship between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working students.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are both
highly
-educated and well-informed, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
be distracted
by technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to involve in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to encourage them for studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
rather
than past. I hope that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know how to involve in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievement, it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which major they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 28. Parents are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Agree or disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
440 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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