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When shopping, some people use brand names to help them decide what to buy. Other people go only by price. Which do you prefer? v.1

When shopping, some people use brand names to help them decide what to buy. Other people go only by price. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Dependence of money and happiness is often argued about. Some people believe that being wealthy does not ensure contentment and joy; others reject it. In my opinion, financial gains are not a prerequisite for happiness. I believe that friends and family are major contributors of happiness that cannot be bought by money. Firstly, rich people are generally time constrained. As of result of their tight schedules, they fail to enjoy precious moments with their families. I believe that despite an abundance of wealth, time wasted in pursuit of monetary gains can never be replaced with happiness earned by spending time with your loved ones. This is evident from the ever increasing number of suicides, particularly in upper class, reported on a daily basis in news and print media. This dispels the correlation of wealth and happiness. Secondly, I believe that trust worthy and sincere friends are an evident source of happiness. These friendships cannot be bought with gold and riches. In my own experience, I have seen that people with wealth generally have more foes than friends. To illustrate, one of my friends belonged to a wealthy family. Her both brothers were kidnapped by their father's best friend; whom they trusted like a family member. Evidently, money cannot be regarded as a metric for calculating joy and happiness. To summarize, I am confident that monetary gains can never buy happiness. In fact, it is a sad reality that money causes more grief than happiness due to loss of family life and shady friendships.
Dependence of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that being wealthy does not ensure contentment and joy; others reject it. In my opinion, financial gains are not a prerequisite for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are major contributors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by money.

Firstly
, rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
generally
time constrained. As of result of their tight schedules, they fail to enjoy precious moments with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that despite an abundance of wealth, time wasted in pursuit of monetary gains can never
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
earned by spending time with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. This is evident from the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
number of suicides,
particularly
in upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, reported on a daily basis in news and print media. This dispels the correlation of wealth and happiness.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that trust worthy and sincere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are an evident source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. These friendships cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with gold and riches. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with wealth
generally
have more foes than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. To illustrate, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
belonged to a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Her both brothers
were kidnapped
by their father's best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
; whom they trusted like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.
Evidently
, money cannot
be regarded
as a metric for calculating joy and happiness.

To summarize
, I am confident that monetary gains can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In fact, it is a sad reality that money causes more grief than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
due to loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and shady friendships.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay When shopping, some people use brand names to help them decide what to buy. Other people go only by price. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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