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Tpo 20 Do you agree or disagree with the statement Successful people try new things and take risks than only do what they know how to do well v.1

Tpo 20 Successful people try new things and take risks than only do what they know how to do well v. 1
Taking risks is not an easy decision, but that would lead people toward success. It is thought by some people that people could succeed only if they know very well what they are doing. However, I personally think that people are successful because they are willing to take risks throughout their lifetime. I feel this way for two reasons that I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, contrary to the belief that successful people don' t take risks, evidence shows that people were able to reach their success because they took many risks in their lives. Success do not come easy, people had to work very hard and sacrifice to reach their goals. For example, a recent research conducted by the university of Toronto has shown that 89 percent of people who took risks in their lives were able to succeed. In contrast, people who were not successful or did nor reached their goals, did not take any risk at all. According to this research, it is clear that successful people did take risks in order to become successful. Secondly, it is significantly important to consider the fact that people who want to succeed are always eager to try everything, so they could come up with new ways that have the potential to help them to thrive. Successful people are creative and do not fear from the unknown. My experience is a compelling example of this. About five years ago, my brother opened his own business. At that time, he did not have enough knowledge about that job, so he started to search and try everything that he thought was going to help his business to succeed. He took risks, but all his tries were paid off. As a result, my brother became a successful businessman. After few years, he was still in search of new things, which made him to exceed his expectations. Therefore, the eagerness for more success would never stop successful people to continue trying new things. In conclusion, I strongly believe that successful people take more risks than just do what they know better. This is due to the fact that successful people are eager to try new things all the time.
Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
is not an easy decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that would lead
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people
toward
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success
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
that
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people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well what they are doing.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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people
are
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successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are willing to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
throughout their lifetime. I feel this way for two reasons that I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, contrary to the belief that
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successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t take
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risks
, evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
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people
were able to reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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risks
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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Success
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
easy,
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people
had to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and sacrifice to reach their goals.
For example
, a recent research conducted by the university of Toronto has shown that 89 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
In contrast
,
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people
who were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
or did nor reached their goals, did not take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
at all. According to this research, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
in order to become successful.

Secondly
, it is
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider the fact that
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people
who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
are always eager to try everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways that have the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to thrive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are creative and do not fear from the unknown. My experience is a compelling example of this. About five years ago, my brother opened his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. At that time, he did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about that job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to search and try everything that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
was going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
his business to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
. He took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all his tries
were paid
off.
As a result
, my brother became a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
businessman. After few years, he was
still
in search of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, which made him to exceed his expectations.
Therefore
, the eagerness for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
would never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to continue trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do what they know better.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eager to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things all the time.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Tpo 20 Successful people try new things and take risks than only do what they know how to do well v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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