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TPO 15 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v.2

TPO 15 – task 2: In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 2
That financial responsibility is a vital part of our life is an undeniable fact. Soon or late, children should learn how to manage their own money. Some people agree that it is beneficial for children to become financially responsible at a young age; some others, however, disagree. From my perspective, I approve the statement and these are my justifications. To begin with, it would be beneficial for the children to learn an important lesson about life at an earlier age. The experience, in my viewpoint, would be very useful for them in the future and will assist them to prosper as they enter the adulthood. Through experience, the children can grasp the value of money in life. Although they can read countless articles and books about financial responsibility or their parents might teach them repeatedly how to manage their money, only through active participation in society and work the children can become financially responsible. For instance, my parents advised me to work for a year before going to college. At first I disagree, but they reasoned with me that it would be helpful for my when I go to university. I worked for one year as an accountant in my aunt' s office. Afterwards, when I was at university, I realized the value of money, so I regarded the virtue of frugality; however, I used to be very lavish with my parents' money when I was a child. In summary, my experience at earlier age was very useful during my life at university. Beside the above-mentioned reason, children can be introduced to the rules of society and business at an earlier age and learn how to distinguish bad from good. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was alluded to above. Several years ago, I acquired a summer job at my uncle' s wood workshop. We made a deal together so that he would pay me $300 per week. However, my uncle, intentionally, did not pay me any money with intend to teach me an important lesson. What was the lesson? " In any business, sign an official contract before starting your work, since no one can be trusted in today' s world. " Consequently, this experience at an early age assisted me to avoid any financial loss in the future in my financial affairs. All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I still agree with the statement. Should the children acquire this indisputable skill at an early age, the can become financially responsible adults.
That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
responsibility is a vital part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is an undeniable fact.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
or late,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn how to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
financially
responsible at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others,
however
, disagree. From my perspective, I approve the statement and these are my justifications.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it would be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, in my viewpoint, would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for them in the future and will assist them to prosper as they enter the adulthood. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grasp the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although they can read countless articles and books about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
responsibility or their parents might teach them
repeatedly
how to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through active participation in society and work the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become
financially
responsible.
For instance
, my parents advised me to work for a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to college. At
The comma is probably missing here: "first, I".
first I
disagree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they reasoned with me that it would be helpful for my when I go to university. I worked for one year as an accountant in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
aunt&
#039; s office. Afterwards, when I was at university, I realized the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I regarded the virtue of frugality;
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lavish with my
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when I was a child. In summary, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
at earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful during my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at university.

Beside the above-mentioned reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be introduced
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of society and business at an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and learn how to distinguish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was alluded
to above. Several years ago, I acquired a summer job at my
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncle&
#039; s wood workshop. We made a deal together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he would pay me $300 per week.
However
, my uncle,
intentionally
, did not pay me any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with intend to teach me an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson. What was the lesson?
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; In any business,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
an official contract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting your work, since no one can
be trusted
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Consequently
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
assisted me to avoid any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
loss in the future in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
affairs.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may prove the
otherwise
, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. Should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire this indisputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, the can become
financially
responsible adults.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 15 – task 2: In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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