Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO 15 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v.1

TPO 15 – task 2: In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 1
Nowadays, undergraduate students have two options: either enter a university which is near hometown or live far from home because their universities are in another city. They both have pros and cons that this essay will discuss. On the one hand, staying with parents is beneficial. Firstly, students can minimize expenditure. They needn't worry about rent, utility bills, and renovations since all of it are covered by the parents. Thus, undergraduates can set aside financial worries and concentrate on studying. In addition, they can be taken care of and feel loved. Nevertheless, students have to face with strict supervision. They always live by the norms and rules of the family. For instance, before you go out with your friends or do something, you have to report to your parents where to go and time to be back. It is even more frustrating if something is urgent, but you cannot get permission from parents. On the other hand, living far away from parents can bring some positive effects on students' personal life. To begin with, staying in a completely strange places offers students a great opportunity to feel a sense of freedom. Since they are out of parents' sight, they can do whatever they want and whenever they want. That significantly improves their self-reliance as well as personal experiences. Staying alone, however, means shouldering more duties and responsibilities. Undergraduates have to do all household chores whilst studying since there is no one has their back. Moreover, they are likely to be tired of balancing the budget. For example, they may consider spending money properly on food and shopping in order to live without worries. In a word, both mentioned situations could result in benefits and shortcomings. Tertiary students, however, should take some personal factors such as financial power and university location to choose the best place to reside.
Nowadays, undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have two options: either enter a university which is near hometown or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their universities are in another city. They both have pros and cons that this essay will discuss.

On the one hand, staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is beneficial.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can minimize expenditure. They needn't worry about rent, utility bills, and renovations since all of it
are covered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
, undergraduates can set aside financial worries and concentrate on studying.
In addition
, they can
be taken
care of and feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with strict supervision. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by the norms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of the family.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you go out with your friends or do something, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
report to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
where to go and time to be back. It is even more frustrating if something is urgent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
permission from parents.

On the other hand
, living far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on students' personal life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, staying in a completely strange places offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a great opportunity to feel a sense of freedom. Since they are out of parents' sight, they can do whatever they want and whenever they want. That
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their self-reliance
as well
as personal experiences. Staying alone,
however
, means shouldering more duties and responsibilities. Undergraduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do all household chores whilst studying since there is no one has their back.
Moreover
, they are likely to
be tired
of balancing the budget.
For example
, they may consider spending money
properly
on food and shopping in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without worries.

In a word, both mentioned situations could result in benefits and shortcomings. Tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
however
, should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal factors such as financial power and university location to choose the best place to reside.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 15 – task 2: In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts