Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO 12 task 2Some people believe it s essential for a person s education to learn to play a musical instrument Others don t believe music education is important Which view do you agree with Explain why v.1

TPO 12 task 2Some people believe it s essential for a person s education to learn to play a musical instrument Others don t believe music education is important Which view do you agree with Explain why v. 1
Nowadays, it is widely thought that public figures have no right to privacy. Personally, I believe that the public figures should be entitled to privacy for the following reasons. To begin with, the right of privacy should be eligible for everyone regardless of social status. In fact, the celebrities are just human after all, they deserve to have private lives with their family and friends. Thus, some of their information such as phone numbers, family members and home address should be kept low-profile to improve better security. If their personal information is leaked to the public, the celebrities are highly vulnerable to criminal attack. For instance, the home address of Miley Cyrus, a world-famous star, was made public few months ago. As a consequence, her house was broken into and many valuable personal items were robbed. Therefore, the celebrities must be protected from unauthorized invasion into their life. What’s more, the interference of the public to the privacy of the public figures might take a toll on their career development. In other words, the contribution made by the celebrities is likely to be diminished, which can ruin their entire career. For example, Bui Tien Dung is invited to numerous events and interviews due to his outstanding performances as a goalkeeper. As a result, he puts in quite poor performances in recent football games because the least amount of time is spent on training and improving skills. Nevertheless, it can be acknowledged that the media has a huge impact on promoting one’s image. Thanks to the media, many celebrities have the opportunities to promote the products they endorse and reach as many potential customers as possible. However, a number of public figures take advantages of the media with a view to courting fame. Accordingly, the news should be limited to control hazardous consequences to the society. In conclusion, this essay has highlighted two primary reasons why the public figures should be entitled to privacy.
Nowadays, it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
have no right to privacy.
Personally
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
should
be entitled
to privacy for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the right of privacy should be eligible for everyone regardless of social status. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
human
after all
, they deserve to have private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with their family and friends.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their information such as phone numbers, family members and home address should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
low-profile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
better security. If their personal information
is leaked
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
highly
vulnerable to criminal attack.
For instance
, the home address of Miley Cyrus, a world-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
star,
was made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
few months ago. As a consequence, her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was broken
into and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable personal items
were robbed
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
from unauthorized invasion into their life.

What’s more, the interference of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to the privacy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
might take a toll on their career development.
In other words
, the contribution made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is likely to
be diminished
, which can ruin their entire career.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bui
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tien
Dung
is invited
to numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and interviews due to his outstanding performances as a goalkeeper.
As a result
, he puts in quite poor performances in recent football games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the least amount of time
is spent
on training and improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Nevertheless
, it can
be acknowledged
that the media has a huge impact on promoting one’s image. Thanks to the media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have the opportunities to promote the products they endorse and reach as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential customers as possible.
However
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
take advantages of the media with a view to courting fame.
Accordingly
, the news should
be limited
to control hazardous
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
the society.

In conclusion
, this essay has highlighted two primary reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
should
be entitled
to privacy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 12 task 2Some people believe it s essential for a person s education to learn to play a musical instrument Others don t believe music education is important Which view do you agree with Explain why v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts