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Some people think that government should focus on environmental pollution and housing problem to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that government should focus on environmental pollution and housing problem to help people prevent illness and disease. v. 1
With the advent of lifestyle, the environmental pollution and housing difficulties are flourishing. There is a dire need to control these activities so that human race don't suffer from these problems. I think government is the central authority who can curb these issues by taking hard steps. Therefore, I concur with this statement that the ruling head should focus on environmental fouling and housing worries. Firstly, I believe that protecting nature is the sole responsibility of the humans. People are deteriorating nature which in turn is affecting them. There are certain diseases and illnesses caused due to the deterioration and habitants. Like, lung infections caused by air contamination which is originated from the huge amount of emission of carbon dioxide from vehicles. Since people elect a government in their country to unite them and to take action on miss happenings. So, being the head, it should take some measures to eradicate these issues. Secondly, housing is the fundamental need of the masses. Everyone needs accommodation to live in this world. People are building homes wherever they get space. Like, humans are cleaning forests to build a place to live which further is the root problem of pollution. In addition to this, people are dwelling on the outskirts of the cities, and that too in bad conditions. All these activities lead to various health problems. In the end, I would like to say that the administration should keep an eye on the surrounding and housing issues, otherwise our nature will completely be sabotaged. The Ministry needs to take some steps, for example, imposing heavy taxes and giving hard imprisonment to activities that harm our lands in any way. Hence, concentration on these matters should be the topmost priority.
With the advent of lifestyle, the environmental pollution and housing difficulties are flourishing. There is a dire
need
to control these activities
so
that human race don't suffer from these problems. I
think
government
is the central authority who can curb these issues by taking
hard
steps.
Therefore
, I concur with this statement that the ruling head should focus on environmental fouling and housing worries.

Firstly
, I believe that protecting nature is the sole responsibility of the humans.
People
are deteriorating nature which in turn is affecting them. There are certain diseases and illnesses caused due to the deterioration and habitants. Like, lung infections caused by air contamination which
is originated
from the huge amount of emission of carbon dioxide from vehicles. Since
people
elect a
government
in their country to unite them and to take action on miss happenings.
So
, being the head, it should take
some
measures to eradicate these issues.

Secondly
, housing is the fundamental
need
of the masses. Everyone
needs
accommodation to
live
in this world.
People
are building homes wherever they
get
space. Like, humans are cleaning forests to build a place to
live
which
further
is the root problem of pollution.
In addition
to this,
people
are dwelling on the outskirts of the cities, and that too in
bad
conditions. All these activities lead to various health problems.

In the
end
, I would like to say that the

administration
should
keep
an eye on the surrounding and housing issues,
otherwise
our nature will completely
be sabotaged
. The Ministry
needs
to take
some
steps,
for example
, imposing heavy taxes and giving
hard
imprisonment to activities that harm our lands in any way.
Hence
, concentration on these matters should be the topmost priority.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should focus on environmental pollution and housing problem to help people prevent illness and disease. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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